At Ease & In Control

2012-01-02T16:10:00.000-07:00

How to Keep Your New Year Resolutions

A New Year Resolution is all about wanting something to be different.
It moves from being a wish, a want, a desire or a hope by resolving and deciding, choosing, making up your mind – or we could say by ‘making a firm decision’.

Ahhh, but that’s not the last firm decision that has to be made.

If you ‘resolve’ to eat ‘healthier’ for whatever reason,
a firm decision is required each and every time you choose to eat (that does include snacking).

If you ‘resolve’ to be nicer/more pleasant to a friend, co-worker or family member,
a firm decision is required each and every time you communicate with that person – whether it’s face-to-face, on the phone or through some form of electronic messaging.

If you ‘resolve’ that you’re not going be so stressed out at work,
a firm decision is required each and every time something happens that upsets you.

If you ‘resolve’ to do, or do more of something: learn a foreign language, play and instrument, walk, read, exercise, meditate, whatever --
a firm decision is required each and every time it’s time to learn, study, practice or do.

Those Firm Decisions ‘steady’ us. From what? The bouncing back and forth of our thoughts.
     Eating better: I want to eat this --- but I know ‘the other’ this is better for me.
     Being nicer: I want to totally blow off answering that comment my Mother texted me --- but I will answer her in a calm, rational way.
     Less stressed at work: I really want to tell Mr. X, the boss at work that the new idea that management decided on stinks, it’s crazy, and I’m not going along with what everyone in the department has to do --- but I know that’s not the best or wisest action for me to take.
     Doing more of a ‘good thing’: I know I should, part of me wants to because I said I would --- but I don’t feel like it.

Each firm decision frees up your energy to ‘do’ – to do whatever you determine the right thing is for you to do!

2011-12-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

Speak & Hear

Whatever you Speak – say what you have to say with Love.
Whatever you Hear – hear what is said with Love.

We do have the choice – the choice of interpreting
with Calmness, with Gentleness and even Love.

2011-12-23T19:03:00.003-07:00

How to SURVIVE the Holidays with Family

# 1. Get rid of the word ‘survive’ – it denotes being aggravated about something or someone even before you are with them face-to-face.

# 2. You are choosing to be with them whether you’ve invited them, or they’ve invited you.
Even if you feel it’s a ‘have to’ to be in their presence – you have chosen to do so.
Sometimes it’s a choice of two discomforts: be with them and be uncomfortable; don’t be with them and be uncomfortable.
Base your choice on this important hint: do the thing that YOU can be secretly proud of – there really is no right or wrong.

# 3. You have NO control of other people:
-- how they act
-- what they say
-- what they don’t say
-- how they say what they say
-- what kind of mood they are in

# 4. Tell yourself: I can’t control other people.

# 5. Repeat: I can’t control other people.

# 6. Repeat: I can’t control other people.

# 7. Repeat: I can’t control other people.

# 8. Repeat: I can’t control other people.

# 9. I can control other people as much as I can control the weather.

# 10. I can control other people as much as I can control traffic.

# 11. Think: Hmmmm, I really, really, can't control anyone else.
....... I can only control ME!

# 12. Ahhhh, now you’ve got it:
....... That's RIGHT - We can’t control other people!!

2011-06-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

A Resource for Our Children

Anyone who knows me, or who has read Peace of Body, Peace of Mind knows how much I promote, teach and preach ‘STOP and think about what you’re thinking’. Why? Because identifying and changing negative, insecure, harmful thoughts, and those that are simply ‘not true’ is an absolute MUST for feeling better.

Who doesn’t want to live a calmer, happier, less-stressed, BETTER life??

I was thirty-something when I learned the importance of my thoughts -- how I could change them and change my mood... How by changing my thoughts I could literally change how I felt physically and emotionally. I could change how I felt about me, about life, about everything.

Me: “Why didn’t somebody teach me this stuff when I was eight? I could have avoided a lot of heartache, a lot of internal suffering and confusion, and a lot of the stress-induced symptoms which plagued my body.
I had no clue you could consciously and deliberately change thoughts as simply as you change a pair of socks. So many years could have been sooooo much easier for me.”

This knowledge is NOT just important, it’s CRUCIAL. It’s FUNDAMENTAL. It’s ESSENTIAL to anyone who lives and breathes!! And the sooner everyone knows it – the better. The better for themselves, those they live with, and all those they interact with.

Well, I found something to teach the young ones to ‘change their thoughts’ and change how they’re feeling -- A wonderful book by Byron Katie, illustrated by Hans Wilhelm, entitled:
Tiger, Tiger is it True?
Subtitle: Four Questions to make you smile again.

This excellent story book will teach not only children, but the adults who are reading to them. Hmmmmm. Think about it. If Dad or Mom, Grandma or Grandpa or big sister or brother does the reading – they too get the powerful message. That certainly would cut down on the number of meltdowns, tears, tantrums, arguments and dramatics.
WOW - less frustration for everyone!!
Imagine that – harmony, cooperation, more peace in everyday life.

My very favorite lines from the book:
“So it’s not my parents or my friends who bug me.
It’s just my thinking about them that makes me mad.
WOW! That’s cool. That’s really cool.”

I strongly urge you to look into getting this ‘treasure’ for every family with younger children. The recommendation is ages 4-10. In my opinion, even the ones younger than 4 would benefit.

Think about it... You can contribute to more people
on the planet being At Ease & In Control!!

Link for more info: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=4473

2011-05-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

I Wouldn’t…
.....Doesn’t Mean They Shouldn’t

Earlier today a good friend and I were talking and she mentioned not liking some of the more recent fashions. More than just not liking them, she was putting them down pretty strongly – basically saying they were wrong.

Her complaint began with women wearing high heels with jeans. Also in the list was boobs busting out all over, wearing a shorter sweater over a shirt or other top that was longer creating a layered look with tails hanging out. More disgusting fashion looks on her list were bra straps that show because the design of shirt is different, and short tops with butt-exposing low slung pants. That last one includes guys and gals.

I smiled and listened, and my only comment was: “fashions change”. Her reply then was: “Well, I’d never be caught wearing anything like that!”

The truth is, most of the things she mentioned I wouldn’t wear out in public either. But, it really doesn’t bother me when someone else dresses the way they choose to dress.
It’s not up to me to judge what looks good and what doesn’t -- what’s right and what’s wrong.
One reason: No one has appointed me a member of the Fashion Police.
Another reason: I know from past experience, judging everyone and everything isn’t beneficial to our health – physical or emotional health.

Judging is a habit. So maybe judging fashion looks is not that important, but I’ll bet you that with some people, this is only one thing they find ‘wrong’. The longer their list of topics, the more they think the world is world is bad and evilness is ‘everywhere’.
The next proclamation is: “What’s this world coming to?”

So how does all this relate to being At Ease & In Control?
Hmmmm – next time you find yourself thinking or talking about something you find unpleasant or disagreeable, check to see how you’re feeling.
Then, when you’re talking about something pleasant, enjoyable or amusing or humorous, check how you feel.

There’s a definite difference.
One makes you feel bad, the other makes you feel good.
One makes you feel uncomfortable, the other makes you feel comfortable and at ease.
It’s that simple.

The fact is:
When we look for what’s right in the world -- we find it.
When we look for what’s wrong out there -- we find it that too.
Guaranteed!

2011-05-15T15:59:00.000-07:00

Living With Anxiety
.... Managing Your Anxiety

May is Mental Health month, so right now there are an abundance of articles ‘out there’ about anxiety, depression and other conditions.

Every time I see a headline such as one of those above, I want to scream from the rooftops:
“You don’t have to ‘live with anxiety’, you don’t have to ‘manage your anxiety’.

You CAN eliminate the anxious feelings – all of them. You can be rid of those strong sensations that are robbing you of the life you want to live! You CAN be free to do all the things you want to do. You CAN stop being led by fearful thoughts which are ruining your life.”

I am so very grateful for Dr. Abraham Low and his Recovery Method. When I came into the program the stated objective was to: “regain and maintain my mental health”. Regain and Maintain. The ultimate intent was to ‘get well’, to function, and function well ‘out there in the world’.

The purpose was not just to manage symptoms, manage the anxiety – the purpose was to get well and stay well.

The goal was not to ‘deal’ with the symptoms, the goal was to do away with them -- eventually forever.

The aim was to be cured! Yes, cured. Cured!!
Eliminate strong, debilitating symptoms all together.
That’s not just my opinion. It’s a proven fact!

In his biography, My Dear Ones, it's reported that Low told his clients over and over again:
“You will get well in Recovery”. “You will get well in Recovery”.
He was sure of it, and I am too.
Over the years I’ve witnessed and heard of too, too many successes to think otherwise.

Yes, there are those who put in a minimum of effort and get scant results. They are still symptom-led, fear-led, instead of self-led.
The fact is: If you know the material, and don’t use it (daily), when you don’t practice, you will not make any measurable or significant progress. You will continue living with some degree of symptoms. You will go on Living in Anxiety.

The fitness tools in the program are designed to reduce the intensity and duration of symptoms. That means by practicing the methods, by actually using what you learn, symptoms won’t be as strong and won’t last as long. Progress may seem slow from the beginning – but if you practice the methods -- they work, and they work very well. Over time, with conscious, consistent, persistent practice, the symptoms will go away completely.
Yes, completely.

As the word implies, ‘recovery’ means recover: to mend, to heal, to recuperate, to restore, to re-establish, to return to health. The word ‘recovery’ does not mean living with a condition, or tolerating it.

The opposite of Living With Anxiety is being At Ease and In Control --- being able to feel at ease in any situation and being in control of your thoughts and your Life.

You really CAN change ‘Living With Anxiety’ to ‘Living Without Anxiety ’.

2011-04-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

If you don’t complain
........you don’t get anywhere

The Scenario: The customer behind me in line at the post office this morning commented on the long line, that it was always the same on Monday mornings, that they should have more clerks.

I purposely smiled and shrugged my shoulders, and didn’t say a word. He went on a bit more about ‘they’ have the money, they should do something about it, and made a few more statements.

Then he asked: “Doesn’t it bother you?” I replied, “No”. He went on about the injustice (his exact word). I went on being non-committal, then said something about how I rather enjoy standing still once in a while and relaxing, instead of ‘running’ at a fast pace all day.

I ended with another smile and quite spontaneously said: “I don’t like being crabby.” (not at all implying he was being that way--only that I don’t like being that way)
It’s true. I don’t like being cranky, crabby, tense or irritable. I like being happy and cheerful, and sharing those positive energies with others.

His response: “If you don’t complain, you don’t get anywhere”. His statement was spoken in a strong tone, signaling that he really meant and believed what he said. (then again, maybe not—that’s only my interpretation)
I smiled, because I knew that his complaining was not going to make the line go any faster. Then for something else to do, got busy with getting my debit card out of my purse.

There are times when discussing ‘how things are, and how they could be different’ can be productive. Complaining? Complaining is unproductive. Why? It does nothing, nothing but make people feel bad.
The complainer feels wronged or mistreated, speaks his discontent, gets more worked up and quite likely influences anyone listening to also think something is wrong, and they’re not being treated properly, and that things just aren’t fair!

Yes, I admit, there was a time in my life when I would have agreed with ‘things being wrong’—not only in that scenario, but in lots of others too. Judging situations, people, and events is a habit. That’s all, a habit.
BUT, it is a habit that affects us–negatively. Judging ‘wrong’ triggers tension, and the tension triggers bad feelings and bad moods.

I don’t play that game anymore. I refuse to. My mental health, my well-being, my inner peace is too, too important to me. Feeling good is important to me! You might call it my ultimate and only goal. I like enjoying life each and every day. I like feeling good. I like being cheerful.

Think about it: We only complain when we’re judging something is wrong.
When we judge (think) something is right, or OK, or we don’t really care--we are content or happy or at ease.

We have to remember:
We DO have control of how we feel, because we have control of our thoughts.
We get to choose our thoughts—therefore we get to choose our moods.

I have the power to make it happen in my life.
You have the power to make it happen in yours.

2011-03-25T06:08:00.002-07:00

It’s ME

This is a such a great statement:

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change,
the courage to change the one I can,
and the wisdom to know it's me.
- Author Unknown

When we focus exclusively on changing ourselves, we release the desire and need to change and control – the people close to us who we love, and all those other people and things we ‘wish were different’.

The truth?
I cannot change anyone else. I may influence them sometimes, but they are going to think and behave as they want to think and behave.

My life is mine. Their life is theirs.
I take charge of my life and live At Ease & In Control.

2011-03-22T21:39:00.002-07:00

Impulse Control –
................ “Then Don’t”

True story:
A friend of mine, we’ll call her Mary, recently had an event which really brought home the simplicity of: there are no uncontrollable impulses, only those we choose to not control.

The event: Mary was at the doctor’s office, and knew she was going to get an injection in her thumb joint. She’s had this type of procedure before and was anxious. Very anxious!

To say she ‘doesn’t like’ to get shots is an understatement. Even more than being scared of the pain & discomfort, she was afraid she would scream ---which she has done many times in the past. In her words: “I always scream when I get shots.”

When Mary saw the syringe in the doctor’s hand, she mentioned her anxiety and told him: “I don’t want to scream.” He replied: “Then don’t”. So she didn’t. It was that simple.

With those two words, “then don’t” Mary realized she could control the impulse. She DID indeed have a choice: to scream, or not scream. She COULD command and control her muscles, and she did.

She went against her old habit pattern, and this was an ‘old’ habit – many decades old.

Yes, she did choose to repeat/mumble something else to keep her mind busy – but she did not scream. The reason? Because she decided to not scream.

When she told me the story, Mary was soooo excited. Proud too. After all these years – she didn’t ‘give in’ to the strong urge to use her speech muscles to shriek, cause more discomfort to herself and the other people around her.

Every act of self-control produces a sense of self-respect – and this is a great example of just that!

2011-03-20T16:22:00.002-07:00

Improved Thinking = Improved Living

Words don’t teach.
Using the words during our life experiences is what really teaches.

Knowledge is just knowledge.
Skill is using the knowledge you know.

We can’t just ‘know’ the words, the phrases, we must use them.

Mental fitness tools are meant to be used – used when we’re feeling stressed, depressed, anxious, angry, upset, or out-of-sorts.

We can’t simply know them. We have to live them.
We have to practice, practice, practice them in daily life.

We have to apply them, live them until they become new habits of thought.

The REWARD:
More joy, more harmony, more love, more peace,
more contentment, more satisfaction,
more Living At Ease & In Control.

2011-03-17T19:02:00.002-07:00

Mine is mine, and Yours is Yours

Our responses to ‘things’ are our own. Our very own.
Your responses are yours. My responses are mine.

Sorry, we can’t ‘give’ the blame away to anyone else.
We can’t ‘give’ the responsibility to anyone else.

It’s not: THAT gave me symptoms.
It’s: I worked it up, and gave myself symptoms.
It’s not: THAT something outside of me gave me symptoms.
It’s: I worked it up, all by myself, with my very own thoughts -- my very own angry or fearful thoughts

It’s not: ‘She’ got me upset.
It’s: ‘I’ got upset over something she said or did (or didn’t say, or didn’t do).
It’s not: ‘That traffic’ got me upset.
It’s: ‘I’ got myself upset when traffic was moving too slow.

Some people get initial/first responses to things or events that wouldn’t even phase someone else. It’s an internal thing. Each one of us owns our own.

It’s important, no–it’s really more than important--it’s ESSENTIAL to remember: Each of us is solely responsible for our own working-up-processes.

You can’t work me up.
You are not responsible for my response, and you are not responsible for my thoughts that come after my first response.
I can’t work you up.
I am not responsible for your response and I am not responsible for your thoughts that come after your initial response.

We OWN our own thoughts.

Reading something cannot work me up. My thoughts about what I’m reading are what work me up.
Having a nightmare cannot work you up – only your thoughts about the event (nightmare) work you up. The thought you have are after-the-fact, after the nightmare. These are the insecure thoughts that cause tension, upset & symptoms.
Think about it: the nightmare is over. It already happened. It is no longer happening. The nightmare event is finished. Now, it is only the repeated fearful thoughts about it that keep the scary, unsettling feelings alive.

Lingering fear temper, brings on lingering symptoms.
The longer we hold on to the bad, harmful, detrimental thoughts, the longer we’re going to feel upset and lousy, out of sorts, and maybe even miserable.

The opposite is true as well.
The sooner we practice changing/replacing those thoughts about ANY particular event, the sooner the ‘bad’ feeling(s) will lessen, then disappear.

I own my thoughts. You own yours.
I must be accountable to myself for mine.
You must be accountable to yourself for yours.

No one else thinks for me. No one else thinks for you.
That’s the way it works! NO exceptions.

2011-03-15T09:08:00.002-07:00

We DO Have Control

We CAN control how we feel, because we CAN control our thoughts.

Think a fearful, insecure thought and you’ll feel ‘bad’.
Think a bunch of fearful, insecure thoughts and you’ll feel worse.

Think a secure thought, and feel better.
Think another secure thought, and feel better.
Think another secure thought, and feel a bit better.
Think another secure thought, and feel a bit better.
Think another secure thought, and feel a bit better.

Think another secure thought, and feel a bit better.
Think another secure thought, and feel a bit better.
Think another secure thought, and feel a bit better.

Think another secure thought, and feel much better.
Think another secure thought, and feel much, much better.
Think another secure thought, and feel GOOD.

The small amount time and effort it takes to do this deliberate thought replacement is well worth it.

What’s your goal??
To feel At Ease & In Control??

2011-02-04T05:40:00.003-07:00

What should astronaut Mark Kelly,
....... Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' husband, do?

Fly on space shuttle Endeavour's final voyage, or stay with his wife?

Gee -- It's really none of my business.

Realistically: It’s his choice, NOT mine or anyone else’s.

2011-01-21T08:46:00.002-07:00

Mark Kelly - Rep. Giffords' Husband Willing to Meet Suspect's Parents

That was a headline this week in the aftermath of the January 8, 2011 shooting in Tucson, Arizona; inside the article: "I don't think it's their fault. It's not the parents' fault," Mark Kelly told ABC's Diane Sawyer.

Mark Kelly is a wise man. So very many others are playing the blame game, pointing fingers in all different directions: mad at the suspect’s parents, angry about gun control & gun laws, aggravated about stores that sell ammunition, enraged about mental services and the health system, furious about people not ‘acting’ on the ‘signs’ of suspect’s instability, etc.

This is all too typical – with any high profile subject matter. And I believe the worst part of it is that so many other people get extremely worked-up about the issues. Temper breeds more temper. Need proof? Just go to any article on any online news site that allows comments, and read what people are saying/writing.

Widespread temper is being expressed. Every ‘they should have…’ translates into: They were wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! A lot of people are adding temper on top of temper – which is not good/healthy for them individually, or for us as a society

The following is an excerpt from President Obama’s speech at the Tucson memorial service on January 12th.
They are the most realistic, levelheaded remarks I’ve read about ‘who should we blame’:

“For the truth is none of us can know exactly what triggered this vicious attack. None of us can know with any certainty what might have stopped these shots from being fired, or what thoughts lurked in the inner recesses of a violent man’s mind. Yes, we have to examine all the facts behind this tragedy.
We cannot and will not be passive in the face of such violence. We should be willing to challenge old assumptions in order to lessen the prospects of such violence in the future. But what we cannot do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on each other. That we cannot do. That we cannot do.”

We don’t know ‘with any certainty’. That’s the Truth. That’s a fact. We don’t know. And we truly cannot afford to make this into a hateful ‘me’ against ‘you’ or ‘us’ against ‘them’ battle.

People can discuss, even disagree. Laws and procedures may change as a result. In the long run, what some people would label as ‘good’ may come out of this tragedy.

So who do I think is responsible for what happened?
Who is to blame? The person who aimed, and pulled the trigger.

I truly believe that angry thoughts on top of angry thoughts, on top of angry thoughts, on top of angry thoughts, on top of angry thoughts, on top of angry thoughts, on top of angry thoughts – a prolonged vicious cycle of angry thoughts -- causes people to eventually do terrible things.

The flip side of that is consciously recognizing temper responses, changing your thoughts, and living At Ease & In Control.

2011-01-18T14:52:00.002-07:00

Sometimes Shoulds are Good

What? Sometimes having the thought “I should ____ IS good.
Why? Because it motivate us to do the thing we fear, or care not to do! A before-the-action ‘should’ helps us take the ceiling off the amount of discomfort we are willing to bear.
We don’t raise the ceiling. We remove the ceiling.

For me it was the only authentic way of getting rid of my anxiety symptoms for good. The associated thoughts go something like this: “I don’t care how uncomfortable I am. I don’t care how uncomfortable I may get. I AM going to do this.”
Please do note: taking the limit off how much discomfort you are willing to handle/experience is not a one-time effort/decision. Anyone who has conquered anxiety has practiced. Repeatedly. They’ve gone out there time after time after time, not only knowing the ‘right’ thoughts, but also using those healthy, accurate, right thoughts.

Think about it: Before you do something, you really have no idea beforehand how uncomfortable you may get while you’re doing it.
Fact: Nervous symptoms grow and escalate when we attach fear and danger thoughts to them (when we think insecure thoughts).
Those same symptoms rise and fall and run their natural course when we use the secure/realistic/factual thoughts: “These are anxiety symptoms. Only anxiety. They are upsetting, distressing, difficult, disturbing, nerve-wracking, BUT they are not dangerous.”

Being group-minded, when we think of others instead of ourselves and how bad we feel, often prompts us to take action – action that we’d really rather not have to do.

It’s times when it’s easier to decide (think): “I’ll just stay home” or “I just won’t make the call” or “I’ll handle that tomorrow”.

Times when the internal dialog/thoughts go something like this: I’m not feeling all that good. We DO groceries. I don’t feel like going to the store. In fact, I’m having a lot of physical sensations just thinking about driving over there. I wonder how crowded it will be? I could ask my daughter to go, or to come with me, but she’s had a cold, and had another long day at work. I can tell she’s tired. I really should go on my own, so I will go by myself.
That SHOULD is a good should.

The “I don’t feel like going” is a thought; so is the “I will go myself”. The “I will go myself” is a thought, plus it’s a decision.

Think about it: When you have the self-leadership to go against the “I don’t want to” – you gain more self-respect. In a very real sense you’re standing up to your nervous fatigue, your wooziness, your light-headedness, and all other kinds of anxious feelings and you’re saying: “No! No! No! You can’t scare me anymore”.

Speaking in general, of the entire population of the planet:
If we all waited until we felt like doing something –
not a lot would get done in this world.

Granted, some people appear to love all the facets of their lives. It looks like they’re happy and spontaneous doing all they’re doing. And maybe they really are. The greater majority of individuals put forth effort to get things done day after day after day.

So, it IS average to have to push yourself into action -- sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. In that respect, You’re definitely not alone.

2011-01-17T14:56:00.002-07:00

If you’re not riled up right now…
……… let me help you get that way

Last week I received one of those pass-along-emails, another one with an angry overtone. The title: NEVER FORGIVE A TRAITOR (yes, in all caps). It contained information about Jane Fonda and an incident which happened more than 40 years ago.

Here are the first two sentences of the note: "For those of you too young to remember Hanoi Jane is a bad person and did some terrible things during the Vietnam war. Things that can not be forgiven!!!!!!”

Dredging up temper – the judgement of ‘someone is wrong’ and passing it along to dozens and dozens of people is, in my mind, not being group-minded, not being group-minded at all.

It’s not healthy for the sender. Think about it: that person is riled up enough to pass it along. And most probably it’s not all that good for the receiver either – if the receiver is going to get upset about it.

Sender’s motive?? This makes me angry, I hope it makes you angry too. I hope you’re on my side about this one.
Who knows? Perhaps it’s a simple: I think you ought to know about this.

My thoughts: Remember, temper -- the judgement that someone or something is wrong – causes tension, and tension causes symptoms. The event could be current, or from long ago – but the response is now – the thoughts are in the present.

Actually, sometimes recalling a past injustice can be good – but only if the person thinking about it decides to once-and-for-all, to finally drop the judgment. We drop the judgment, we neutralize the temper, not for the other person’s sake – but for our own.

Reminder: It’s not people, places, things, events, or emails that give us our upset, our symptoms. It is our response to those things which makes us cranky, crabby, out-of-sorts, tense, depressed, etc.

If, and that’s a big IF, if you can read words that label someone wrong, Wrong, WRONG and remain neutral or indifferent -- good for you. But the vast majority of people would, and do have negative responses. They get mad, even worse – they stay mad.

Now, what would you rather be known as: Someone who provokes anger/bad feelings, or someone who consciously chooses to be an uplifter -- someone who spreads joy and goodwill

The choice is ours – Always!

My Rule: If what I just read doesn’t feel good to me, there’s no way I’m going to pass it along.

My hope, my desire, is to have someone feel good or better after they’ve interacted with me – whether it’s through email, by phone or in-person.

I choose to be uplifting, not depressing! How about you?

Spread joy, not misery.

2011-01-10T20:53:00.002-07:00

5000 Birds fall from the sky
........... Millions of spot fish die!!!

Lots of sensationalism and fear-filled press about the birds in Arkansas and Kentucky, and the fish in Chesapeake Bay: the earth’s magnetic field is weakening; the end of the world is coming in 2012 and this is a sign; sonic booms are the cause; UFO’s could be responsible.
It’s wide-scale death, so it MUST mean something horrible!

How refreshing to read a realistic explanation:
In Arkansas, “5,000 birds falling dead in people's yards is just weird”, said Kevin McGowan, an ornithologist at the Cornell Lab of Ornithology. "But the question is, has this happened before?"
The answer is yes, “but probably in a cornfield. And foxes ate them all”, McGowan said.”

So what Mr. McGowan is saying is: the recent bird and fish events are not spooky or scary, they are average – nothing to get alarmed, concerned, or worked-up about. These kinds of things happen in nature all the time.
These events may be distressing and upsetting, but they are not dangerous in the sense that something of catastrophic proportions is about to happen in our world!

From the mental health angle… for some people it’s easy to become suggestible to the stories out there that spell doom and gloom. And there are plenty of them! They stir up fear and/or anger -- fearful and/or angry thoughts -- and it’s always fear and anger thoughts which cause symptoms.

The solution: Watch what you read. If you find yourself uncomfortable, physically or mentally, switch to more realistic, rational, reasonable, secure thoughts.

Reminder: it may not be the first thing you read that will affect you, but I guarantee, a steady diet of pessimism and fear will influence your mood and your health.

If you’re interested in the entire article in the Washington Post online
by Darryl Fear (yes, Fear is his real name - I did not make that up)
here’s the link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/07/AR2011010703065.html?sid=ST2011010703261

2011-01-06T19:11:00.002-07:00

Help for Your New Year's Resolutions

1. Command your muscles.
2. Change your thoughts.

If you want to lose weight:
1. Command your muscles to stop and not even pick up that candy bar (or whatever other food you know you shouldn’t be eating on your weight reduction regime).
2. Change your thoughts: When you have the urge/impulse to eat something that you know would not be the best for you – remind yourself: There are NO uncontrollable impulses. None.
You and you alone have the power, the ability to say NO to the impulse. To your impulse.
You may even want to use this exact statement: “NO, I am not going to give in to this impulse. I’m in control here!

Which brings up statements such as: I’ve got such a craving for a piece of chocolate (or a cookie, sugar, or whatever). In this case, the craving is a desire, a want. We could even label that craving as simply an impulse. True, the craving may technically come before the impulse - but for me that’s getting too scientific.

Think about it: What you’re calling a craving could simply be a strong or lingering impulse (to eat or drink whatever). A ‘craving’ sounds more serious, more intense, more uncontrollable – when in reality it is not! NOT!

Another think about it: calling it a craving may be simply an excuse to give in. And when we ‘give in’ we cave in, when with a little extra effort it could be a victory over the impulse, rather than a defeat – a self-defeat.

Whether it’s an urge, an impulse, or a craving –
....................... ALL of them are wants, NOT needs.

Your Goal: You want to get out of bed a half-hour earlier in the morning to increase your get-ready time so you’re not feeling totally rushed.
1. Command your muscles to move and get out of bed as soon as the alarm rings.
2. Change your thoughts: I made a firm decision to get up earlier and I’m sticking to that decision.

Your Goal: To take control of your temper outbursts.
1. Change your thoughts: whatever is causing your irritation, temper, anger, upset, frustration, aggravation – make it – label it a triviality compared to your sense of well-being, compared to your inner peace, compared to your mental health. Actually use the words: “This is a triviality”. Get into the habit.
The more you cancel out or nullify the temper thoughts, the less likely you are to say something you wish you hadn’t said.
2. Command your muscles… If you’re already past that point and have worked something up in your mind (via your thoughts), and the words are ‘right at the tip of your tongue’ -- Command your mouth muscles to be still. Do not open your mouth! Command your lip muscles to stay together. Be silent. A closed mouth cannot spew angry or hurt-filled words.

No matter what the area or topic of your resolution is – you can command your muscles to stop or go, to be still or move.

Sounds simple, and it really can be easy to. With practice everything becomes easier.

Your New Year’s Resolution is your PROMISE to yourself.
Treat it that way.

2011-01-03T18:43:00.002-07:00

Someone said it…
……….Does that really make it so???

Two examples:

“The Alzheimer's Association expects 10 million Baby Boomers to develop the disease.”

“A report by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta has revealed that one in three children born in the US in the year 2000 will go on to develop type II diabetes at some point in their lives. The author and his colleagues estimate that the number of US citizens with type II diabetes will exceed 28 million within the next 50 years.”

These statements are projections.
They are forecasts (fear-filled forecasts).
They are assumptions. They are ideas. Nothing more.

These are guesses. And, a guess is not fact.
A guess is nothing to have fearful thoughts about. A guess is nothing to be anxious or worry about, or to lose sleep over.

Most important: A guess is nothing to work yourself up about.
Yes, we do become suggestible to unsettling ideas when we read or hear them. That’s an average original response.

An excellent way to work it down and drop that first response is to filter the information coming to us with one simple question: Is it really true?

Another way to stay At Ease & In Control

Happy 2011.

2010-12-27T10:24:00.002-07:00

Express Love

Today express, radiate LOVE -- in ALL circumstances -- no matter what the outer environment is doing or not doing.

You CAN do it. I KNOW you can.

How do you do it?
#1. By making a firm decision to do it.
#2. By simply stopping to think about what you’re thinking -- by not judging other people and other things to be ‘wrong’.

Remember: There is no right, there is no wrong in the unimportant, insignificant, trivial events of everyday Life.

Remind yourself: Everything is a triviality compared to my mental health. EVERYTHING!!!

2010-12-11T06:56:00.002-07:00

Temper Disguised as Humor

There are many emails circulating ‘out there’ which are supposed to be funny or humorous and at the same time they invoke temper, they invite temper -- the judgement that someone or something is wrong.

Here’s one example:

Maxine and Healthcare Reform
Let me get this straight:
We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't,
Which purportedly covers at least ten million more people, without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,
written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it,
passed by a Congress that didn't read it but exempted themselves from it,
and signed by a President who smokes,
with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes,
for which we'll be taxed for four years before any "benefits" take effect,
by a government which has already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,
and financed by a country that's broke!!!!!
What could possibly go wrong????

The point is, the truth is: Temper causes tension, the tension causes symptoms.
The point is: If our goal or intent is to feel good, to feel our best -- we MUST eliminate temper.

Is your real goal, your conscious goal, your continuous goal to be
At Ease & In Control??

2010-09-29T19:56:00.003-07:00

Stop & Think…

Are the majority of your thoughts helping you? Working for you?
Or are they working against you?
Are your thoughts secure and realistic?
Or are they fear-filled? Angry? Judgmental?

Always remember:
....Each of us has the
.......Freedom and the Ability
..........to consciously change our thoughts.

When your thoughts ARE working for you
....You WILL feel At Ease & In Control.

2010-09-23T13:10:00.002-07:00

The M & M Team

There’s a wonderful story at the beginning of Joel Osteen’s book It’s Your Time. He tells about hiking in Colorado. The sign at the base of the mountain stated it should take about three hours to reach the summit.

After 45 minutes, Joel’s legs are burning, his chest pounding and he’s panting & sweating – a lot. He stops for air, has several I-don’t-know-if-I-can-make-it thoughts, and seriously questions whether he’ll be able to continue on another two hours.

All of a sudden he sees an a older man come around a curve headed down the trail. This gentleman appears cool and calm, not the least bit exhausted. As the man passes the younger sweaty pastor, he says: “You’re closer than you think.” Those five words rejuvenated Joel, and he caught his second wind.

It’s the next part of the story which really caught my attention. Joel states that with every stride he repeated the words: “I will make it”. Even though his body -- his muscles and lungs were quite uncomfortable, he kept walking & climbing, and talking to himself.

What did he do??? What method did he use??? We could call it cognitive-behavioral. He changed his thoughts and commanded his muscles. Over, and over, and over again.

Notice he used his one secure/realistic thought: “I will make it” -- with every stride -- with every step he took. Ten minutes later he reached the top. Total time: just under an hour.

No, this isn’t an example of someone suffering from panic or anxiety disorder. But, it is an illustration of how severe discomfort can be faced, and endured. It’s a demonstration of effort and the willingness to bear discomfort, and not deviating from a goal.
Joel started to talk himself (think himself) out of completing his goal. By changing his thoughts – consciously and continuously – he did what he set out to do.

Working as a Team - Mind & Muscles can and will carry us through.

2010-09-12T09:37:00.002-07:00

Do you love… ?

While I was reading something loosely related to the topic other day, an interesting question came to my mind.

Here it is: Do you love and support yourself, Rose?
My quick and very honest answer: “Not as much as I should – but I’m starting now.”

When I thought about it further, I was not ‘consciously’ supporting myself the way I very often wholeheartedly support others. The recognition that I was not - didn’t click, it didn’t surface, until I asked myself the question.

A lot of us are natural, spontaneous givers. We support others without question, with no expectation or desire for anything in return. Mothers do it. Fathers do it. So do spouses, siblings, adult children and close friends.
Yet… yet, we often forget?? ignore?? overlook?? our own self-care.
Call it self-nurturing. Call it self-care. Call it self-support. Whatever. It has to do with feeling good, more specifically - making ourselves feel good. Because yes, we can’t and shouldn’t expect others to provide our feeling good.

Well, you’ve heard the question, and here’s my solution: several times a day I spontaneously say out loud,

“I love and support you Rose” or “Rose, I love and support you!”.

Yes, I add my name either at the beginning or end of the statement. I’ve mentioned before how I believe adding your name to a realistic, affirmative spoken thought adds meaning and depth. For me, it makes me pay closer attention. It makes the words a statement, instead of merely a fleeting thought. I guess in a sense I believe it more, accept it more.

So my questions to you are:
Do you love and support yourself? As much as you could be?
If not, I strongly suggest you make a firm decision to do something about it. Soon!

2010-09-01T10:02:00.002-07:00

Why do people Lie?

Typically I don’t get into “Why” people do what they do. And, since three people in the last two weeks have asked me about it, I’ve decided to address the topic here.

My plain and simple answer is: People tell lies because to them, it’s more comfortable than telling the truth.
No matter what the subject, or who else is involved – the person who tells a lie chooses to – simply because it makes them feel better. They believe, they think, telling the truth would make them feel uncomfortable, more uncomfortable, too uncomfortable – and they choose to avoid being that uncomfortable.

Usually I stop the explanation right there, and since I’m writing now, I’ll add a few more thoughts…

I believe lying has the same effect on a person as a temper outburst, what is often referred to as a symbolic victory. That’s when we express our anger in a quick-tempered, maybe even loud and volatile way. That type of behavior may make us feel good ‘in the moment’, maybe even for a longer time.
BUT, sooner or later, we realize the ‘victory’ was no real victory at all – because we’re embarrassed or ashamed of our behavior – the words and more importantly, the manner those words flew out of our mouth.

That shame, composed of “I was wrong” thoughts, starts up another vicious cycle of thoughts – thoughts of self-blame and self-degradation, which produce more discomfort – physical and mental.
So is anything good or healthy really accomplished by a temper outburst?

To me, when a person tells a lie, they are not self-led. They are symptom led - led and influenced by fear, their own fear thoughts. And I believe that telling the lie may make a person feel better ‘in the moment’ but somewhere in the future, they’re going to know, realize, and wake up to the fact, that their behavior wasn’t their best – and they’re going to feel bad about it - embarrassed or ashamed or guilty.

That starts another vicious cycle of thoughts – thoughts of self-blame and self degradation, which produce more discomfort – physical and mental.
So is anything good or healthy really accomplished by not telling the truth?

The only thing being dishonest and deceitful achieves is temporary comfort. Very temporary comfort. Realistically, what lying produces is more discomfort. It really has no solid, positive benefits to a person’s mind or body.

2010-06-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

Rose VanSickle /Peace of Body, Peace of Mind
on YouTube!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-19T10:33:00.005-07:00

Doing Something New

“I Don’t Know How."
I wish you could hear the tone of voice I used when I said that statement this past week. Sort of bewildered, maybe confused…. with a slow but quick movement my shoulders going up & down. Somewhat unsure of myself. A bit hesitant.

We all get into situations where we’re faced with doing something new. And I mean brand new, as in ‘haven’t-got-a-clue-of-how-to’ accomplish this task.
In that case, we have choices-choices in how we think about it.

The facts (the realistic thoughts) are: there will be things we don’t know how to do. Probably for the rest of our lives. No one knows how to do absolutely everything. Another is this: If we’ve never done that certain something – of course we ‘Don’t know how’. It’s that plain and simple.

So what was the subject of my latest “I don’t know how”?
Uploading a video file to YouTube.
I had asked my webmaster if he had any experience doing it. He said no. So I decided I would learn how myself. My reasoning (thinking): Then I will know, and it'll be another "I can do that" under my belt.

I’m happy to report: Mission accomplished!!

P.S. - Now adding a link to a blog entry will be my next “Do Something New”.
Will it be 'add a video' or simply add the link and make the reader click on it??? Hmmm.

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

2010-06-13T12:52:00.002-07:00

Spike Lee Says Obama Not Mad Enough

No, I did not read the entire article. Why? Because I could guess at my original response, and it wasn’t pretty (healthy for me).
But, I did calmly discuss my views of the ‘not mad enough’ regarding the oil spill with a couple of people.

So how mad IS mad enough?
Stomping to the podium?
Red in the face?
Neck veins bulging?
Eyes glaring?
Arms failing in the air?
Fists clenched so hard fingernails are cutting into the palms?

Hmmm…
Is getting ‘boiling mad’ going to take one single drop of oil out of the ocean?

Is being ‘infuriated’ going to bring an better solution, or any solution for that matter.

Is ‘throwing a fit’ going to make BP move more quickly?

Is being ‘furious’ at something in Outer Environment (OE) going to change anything in OE?

Is being ‘loud mouth and hostile’ going to solve the situation?

Is being ‘nasty’ going to prevent more oil from hitting the beaches?

Is displaying temper ‘required’ to show ‘how much’ a person cares about a topic?

Is displaying a ‘public tantrum’ going to make our President ‘more right’ and BP ‘more wrong’?

Is wildly aggressive ‘better’ than assertive? Not in my opinion. Never!

Maybe what President Obama IS demonstrating is how to be:
“At Ease & In Control”.

I applaud the man for that!

2010-06-13T10:59:00.002-07:00

As I Am

One more thing I want to touch on about self-acceptance…
A couple of the popular statements ‘out there’ are: “I accept myself, just the way I am” or “I love and accept myself, just the way I am.” These may have originated with A Course In Miracles and are now an element in lots of different self-enhancement programs.

Somewhere along the years - I can’t remember exactly when it was, except that it was after I wrote Peace of Body, Peace of Mind – is when those were introduced to me. I willingly began using them. After all, I had a good background of changing thoughts – and these were statements I felt could enhance me and my life. So I used them quite consistently for a while.

To be honest, I didn’t feel any ‘big shift’ inside me. I didn’t get the results I thought I ‘should’ get. Throughout the years I would again hear some variation of the affirmation from a new speaker, new author, or in a new technique.
The last time it happened, for some reason (who knows) I took the time to ‘think’ about what I was saying. In fact, it very well could have been when I was writing the words and they were staring me in the face – when I questioned them.

All of a sudden it came to me: "just as I am" is the part that ‘got in the way’ for me. In a sense, it didn’t make sense.
Here’s my logic (my thoughts): I accept myself, ‘just’ the way I am, somehow suggested or implied there was something wrong with me.
Sort of like a computer ‘warning’ message. Defect! Defect!! Something needs to be corrected – SOON!
Just the way I am = Even though this is wrong with me, and I sure wish that was a whole lot different – I’ll accept me.

“Picky, picky, picky-Rose!!” That thought came to me too. Was I being overly sensitive? Too precise? Or was I getting some insight?
How can I accept myself–totally accept myself-if I think there’s something wrong with myself?

Yet, as I sat there and wrote:
I accept myself, just the way I am
then
I accept myself as I am
I could ‘feel’ the difference of those two statements. The first didn’t make me feel good; the second did.

Try it. which one feels better to you?
I accept myself, just the way I am.
I accept myself as I am.

It truly doesn’t matter which one appeals to you. There is no right or wrong.
Does one ‘feel’ better than the other? And if neither one does – that’s average too.

And maybe an even simpler form of the statement could be:
I accept myself!

2010-06-09T13:29:00.003-07:00

Learn ‘n Use

This entry is prompted by an email I received regarding the 6/4/10 post which talked about being average & self-acceptance.
One of the person’s comments was: “You'd think by now I'd have learned to be average.”

As I read the sentence, the word that jumped out at me was ‘learned’. I don’t think that’s the way it works.
We learn that 2+2=4. We learn the ABC’s. We learn to read. We learn a different language. We learn how to use a computer, etc.

When I thought back, I don’t recall learning to be average. What I remember is learning new information, a new & better definition of average, then ‘accepting’ I was average. Maybe it’s all semantics, but I do think it makes a difference.

As with other concepts we learn throughout our lives, learning them-then knowing them is one thing. Using them is Step Two. In my opinion we must USE them – or else we make little or no progress.

Yes, and I still use “I am average”. Typically it’s when I’ve done something… well, let’s say, when I’ve done something unexpected. OK – it’s when I make a ‘mistake' - such as trip on a throw rug, or tip over a glass of water which sloshes over onto my computer keyboard.
The original response (and this IS what I have said out loud in a sarcastic tone of voice): “Well that was SMART, Rose.” And depending on the amount of damage, I may even throw in a: “That was REALLY smart, Rose!!”
So what comes next? OK–You guessed: yet another “I’m not wrong, I’m average”. I know I use that secure/realistic statement more than once a day – every day.

So why am I still practicing? Because. My mental health is my Supreme Goal. If I don’t, and I do know this to be the truth: then those trivial incidents, those trivial mistakes would pile up.
They’d pile up, and pile up, and pile up and pile up, and sooner or later they become ‘proof’ that something’s ‘wrong’ with me. I’d think I was un-average, below average. Tainted. Not as good as.

Nope – I don’t ‘go there’ anymore. My well-being, my inner-peace, is too precious.
Besides, I like feeling good, and I’d much rather be At Ease, and In Control.

PS: There’s more on the topic of self-acceptance. Saving that for next time.
PSS: A Big THANK YOU to the person who inspired me with their email.
As I’ve mentioned before, if I know something that’s helped me – I am certainly going to pass it along to others.

2010-06-07T12:31:00.002-07:00

I Can or I Can’t??

If you think you can, you can.
And if you think you can't, you're right.
~ Henry Ford (also attributed to Mary Kay Ash)

He is able who thinks he is able.
~ Buddha

Simple phrases with deep truth within them.

When we think we can’t, we can’t. That’s it. The end!
We won’t even make an attempt.
The door is closed on any possibility.

When we think we can...
Ahh, that’s a totally different point-of-view (thought).

Even if we’re not 100% sure we can – it’s better than an “I can’t.”
The door may not be wide open, but it’s not slammed shut.
At least there is some possibility -
a possibility that with effort & practice
can advance from a possibility to a probability,
and then on to a success.
An “I did it”. Maybe even a "YEAH! I did it".

2010-06-05T09:20:00.003-07:00

Am I Ready For This??

This post somewhat related to the last one…
When can I tell “I’m ready to take on more” – ‘more’ meaning “should I go back to school, get a job?” Take a leap?
For me that translated into: “Am I well enough to handle it?"
In fact, the question boiled down to: Am I ‘willing’ to bear the discomfort of something new, even when I don’t know what it will be like? Am I ‘willing’ to go ‘through’ the discomfort?

Deciding “I am ready” is a very personal decision, one we can’t ever make for someone else. We can encourage the person. We can tell them we think they’re doing well, well enough to ‘make it’. We can cheer them on from the sidelines.
We can remind them that the same mental fitness tools that got them to this point, will carry them through whatever they choose. It’s always the individual’s own decision, and from personal experience I know -the more firm the decision, the better.

For me when I really, really, really, really did take the ceiling off the amount of discomfort I was willing to bear, life got easier. Easier? Yes, in the sense that I wasn’t always afraid there was there’s some kind of discomfort lurking around the corner.
Does that mean there was no discomfort? That it suddenly and totally disappeared? Heavens no. It didn’t totally disappear at first, but it did diminish. The intensity was not as great. The duration of the symptoms/discomfort was lessened.

For me and thousands of others too over the last 70+ years, no longer fearing discomfort, brought comfort.
Not waiting until we felt comfortable, but doing the things we feared or cared not to do (sometimes over, and over and over again) eventually brought the comfort.
Deliberate practice brought comfort, plus many, many gains.

In a very real sense, it brought us back to Life.
A good, average Life.

2010-06-04T20:34:00.002-07:00

Is It a Goal?
......or being Exceptional?

Some questions came to me this week… regarding exceptionality, romantic ambition, and whether or not we ‘should’ set limits on ourselves when it comes to what we want to do.

There was a time when I was confused about all this too: We shouldn’t be, or even try to be exceptional, yet we want to set goals, to do bigger and better things in our lives – such as go back to school, get a better job, etc. What’s the ‘right’ way to go about that? What’s the ‘healthy’ way?

OK. Exceptional is a no-no. Ahh, but the fear (thought) “I’m not even average” or “I’m not good enough” or“ I’m not as good as” is also a no-no. For me, I tied that all together with “we strive to be exceptional and fear we’re not even average”. And Yes, I admit, I struggled with the notion of being ‘average’ – with the whole idea that average was good, or even acceptable.

I believe that once we accept ‘average’ is good, that being average - no matter where we happen to be in the moment - we are no longer ‘fearing’ we’re not ‘even’ average.

That’s how it worked for me. For years, please let me correct that - for decades I was striving to be exceptional (Ms. Polly Perfect) ‘because’ I feared I wasn’t even average. I changed my definition of average. For me average was no longer ho-hum, mundane, boring, dull or dreary.

Once I accepted I was average – somewhere between superior and inferior – the Great Fear was lifted – gone (by me changing my thoughts on the topic). No more fear about how-high-on-the-scale I ‘needed’ to be, took the pressure off. You could say: I lowered my standards for who I thought I ‘needed’ to be to be a worthwhile or meaningful human being.

I believe that accepting averageness of ‘self’ is in a very real sense, self-acceptance – accepting yourself, just the way you are. Not for who you want to be someday. Not when you get off disability. Not when you make more money. Not when you get married. Not when you lose weight, etc., etc, etc.. Not then. Now.
Self-acceptance now – not later.

Once the fear is gone, it really is easier to set realistic goals, to get ahead in life. In my life it was (and still is) set this goal, reach it. Set another goal. Oh yes, there have been times when it followed this path: set the goal, don’t reach it; set another goal, or an entirely different goal, or set some intermediate goals to ‘get’ to the final/bigger goal.

Come to think of it, all of life is set a goal, an objective, accomplish it, set another goal. Think about it. From the time we get out of bed (which is a decision or a goal), with all the things we do all day long, until the time we go back to bed, we make decisions, set goals, move our muscles, accomplish what we want or need to do, and then it’s on to the next item or task or goal.
And so it goes – on, and on, and on.

2010-06-03T07:30:00.002-07:00

Her want…

A few months ago a good Friend, a dear, dear Friend, decided to go into hospice care. She made the choice with a clear mind. In her words: “I suffered more from the treatments than from the disease itself.”

When I heard the news I wanted to go back to see her. She was on the east coast, I’m out west. Her request was that no one who had not seen her in the last year, including me, not come to see her.

I mulled over that just a bit. My thoughts: I wanted to see her again. I strongly wanted to see her again. I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to reminisce about all the good times, the ‘spiritual highs’ we enjoyed when attending the same church.

It wasn’t very long at all, and these words (this thought) came to me: “It’s her want – honor it Rose.” That could fall under the realm of being ‘group-minded’. Yet, it was so much more. That one word ‘honor’ lifted being group-minded to a much higher, a much deeper level. Honoring her request was in a very real sense - my gift to her.

This event also reminded me that we can honor another person’s wishes, wants, desires & requests even when the situation is not as serious as this was.

2010-05-10T07:26:00.003-07:00

Ancient History

Just what does that refer to? Stuff that happened long ago and the temper is still lingering. The ‘hurt’ is still there, because the temper – the judgement of ‘that was wrong’ and ‘still is wrong’ in our minds (our thoughts).
The ‘long ago’ could be two months ago, two years ago, 22 years ago or even longer.

Here are few examples:
A teacher (let’s call her ‘Beth’) who finds herself feeling insecure in her profession knows her insecurity is rooted in an event which happened a long time ago. Back in third grade her grades weren’t the best. School personnel were concerned, and offered two options: either move Beth to the next grade, or have her repeat the third grade. Beth’s Mother decided the best route would be to have her repeat the grade.
More than 30 years later, when thoughts about this far away event come to mind, they still bring up shame (fear) and the idea (thought) that her Mother’s choice was wrong. Then of course, Mary’s insecurity increases.

Right now ‘John’ is having some money problems. Every once in a while he remembers the fact that right after high school when he got his first job and was still living in his parent’s home, they ‘made’ him pay rent. John still resents that rule his Mom & Dad came up with. Thoughts such as: "Paying rent in your own family’s home? That’s not right!" come to mind even now when he finds himself ‘short on cash’.

And here’s one from me, which is really where I came up with this notion of taking care of ancient temper. When I was seven years old I made my First Communion, had a party, and received some gifts of money. I wanted a new bike. My girlfriend’s had shiny two-wheel bicycles their parents bought for them. Me? I ‘had’ to spend ‘all’ my gift money if I wanted a bike. It’s the decision my Father made.
Every time that event came to mind – and it may have been only once every few years, it still ‘hurt’. Everybody else’s parents bought them stuff, why did I have to spend my money? I thought my parents were being mean to me. And that childish ‘thought’ stayed with me, that childish ‘temper’ stayed with me well into my 30’s.
Until, until one time it came up again, and I dismissed the temper. I released the judgement. They were not wrong, they were average. And, I was not wrong, I was average for not liking it. Done!

Yes, I still remember the incident (obviously, I’m writing about it). But, it doesn’t ‘sting’ anymore. It doesn’t bring up the resentment (temper). It doesn’t bring up the ‘that wasn’t fair’, it’s no longer connected with, ‘they didn’t love me as much as those others kids parents loved them’. I have to say, it does feel very good to be rid of the distress around that incident.

The point is – temper, is temper, is temper. And temper causes tension, and tension causes symptoms. No matter when something happened, no matter if the persons involved are alive or no longer on the planet, the temper can be and must be eliminated, or else the tension will continue – and escalate

Why go through the trouble of neutralizing that stuff from the past when it comes up? My reason –simply to FEEL GOOD … To be At Ease and In Control.
I’d rather be happy and at peace. Wouldn’t you?

2010-05-08T18:47:00.002-07:00

Limits:
.. .Taking Them Off Is Up to Us!

Recently I talked with a dear, dear Friend I met when I first started attending RI meetings. We had been out of touch for more than a decade, and it was so good to connect again. We reminisced about former days and our conversation was sprinkled with Recovery language.

During the course of our phone visit he mentioned something we had never talked about before. Early-on in his practice, he chose a goal - to be able to go out/be in a public situation for two hours – no matter how strong his symptoms might be. I thought WOW – that’s a really good target to strive for! He added: “You can do just about anything in a two hour time span – go to church, a movie, out to dinner, visit friends or relatives at their home, etc.” When he was talking about it, I thought – what a wonderful idea!!

The sad part is, 20+ years later, he remains at his two-hour limit. Two hours is the ‘most’ discomfort he’s willing to bear. He talked about wanting to fly pretty much across the country to see friends, and had been hesitating and in duality about it for more than a year. “I want to, but I don’t think I can bear that much discomfort.” The time it took to get to the airport, the extended time in the plane, then the ride to his friend’s home - when he calculated all that time, he labeled it ‘too much’. Plus, he would be in a ‘strange’ place for five days. Too much discomfort to bear!! He wasn’t ‘willing’.

For a person with high anxiety or panic, extending personal limits of how much discomfort to experience is how we operate at first. Little by little is the method of building up our nerve resistance. That’s how I did it. In fact, I called them ‘baby steps’. A little at a time. And I consciously chose to extend the time. Yes, I actually kept a written log. How else would I truly/accurately know if I had exceeded my last objective?

Dr. Low referred to taking off the limits, with this phrase: Take the ceiling off the amount of discomfort you’re willing to bear.
In order to be able to do literally anything, I learned in time that I couldn’t simply keep raising my ceiling inch by inch – or quarter hour by quarter hour – I had to take OFF the ceiling.

I had to take off ALL then limits I was setting for myself.

No one else was holding me back, but me.

I had to say: “I don’t care how uncomfortable I get – I’m going to do this”. (and for the record: I did say that aloud to myself)

Sooner or later, if we really, really, really want to reach the ‘final cure’ we all have to make that decision for ourselves.

Rather than “It’s soooo uncomfortable, we have to learn to say:

So! It’s uncomfortable.

2010-05-06T06:26:00.002-07:00

I Can’t Do Everything!!

That’s right. You can’t. None of us can. We’re people, not machines. Even computers have their limitations. We can’t be ALL things, to ALL people ALL of the time. This is especially important if you’re the major ‘doer’ in your household, or you’re single and there’s only you to do all the things that need being done.

When it ‘feels’ like we have ‘too’ much to do, it’s because we’re ‘thinking’ we’ve got too much to do. When we have scattered ambitions - thoughts about what should be done and where to start - often, nothing or next to nothing gets done. Then the self-blame sets in. The “I can’t do everything” is joined by “I can’t get motivated” or “What’s wrong with me?” or “I’m so disorganized” - thoughts with the theme of “I’m wrong”.

It’s important to know your limitations, and HONOR those limitations. And, it’s just as important to get moving.

The solution: Pick and choose – then move those muscles. Parts acts. Do this. Then that. When I follow that process, I’m always pleasantly surprise how much I can accomplish

Lots of experts tell us to prioritize first. That’s good advice, and sometimes necessary or wise, especially in a work situation. And here’s another suggestion: when there are many things to do, just do one. Then do another. Then do another. Then do another.

Resoluteness and determination come from our thoughts.

Think: “I CAN do this, I WILL accomplish something” plus move the muscles. The muscular action of ‘doing’ may be mechanical at first, but then you’ll get into the swing of things.

Move da muscles. Move da muscles. Move da muscles.
My motto: Maybe I can’t do everything, but I can do something.

2010-04-07T15:57:00.002-07:00

Smile More

This is something I picked up on along the years. Can’t recall even approximately when, but I do know that now it’s a habit. And, I consider it a good habit, a healthy habit. Plus it really fits in with the dictate “Move your Muscles.”

Smiling is a muscular act – and we are the ones who control and command our muscles. Of course there are times we smile spontaneously – when we see something we like, admire or even appreciate.

But what about those times when we don’t feel like showing any joy? When we’ve lost our spontaneity? I can remember that happening to me – more than a year when there was nothing to feel good or happy about. When my mood did lift, there still wasn’t a whole lot ‘out there’ to smile about, yet I made it a point to smile more and more.

There are some pretty amazing stats about the benefits of smiling:
~~ Smiling triggers our bodies to release natural, beneficial chemicals such as endorphins and serotonin, and even natural pain relievers.
The combination of those makes us feel good. And who doesn’t want to feel good? Plus those chemicals boost our immune systems.
~~ People react to us more positively when we smile. Think about it. Would you rather interact with someone who looks gloomy, or someone who looks cheerful?

From those two statements alone we can see the simple act of smiling benefits our bodies and our minds, as well as influencing those around us in an uplifting way.

From the beginning, smiling can seem strange, a bit odd, almost uncomfortable - like anything we do that is ‘new’ can be. Don’t worry, it doesn’t take long at all to get over the strangeness of it.

Chances are you may not feel the difference immediately, but the long-term effects are wonderful. Make a firm decision to start and keep it up! Do it, even when you are feeling good – you’ll feel even better. Do it for the sake of doing something positive for yourself.

There’s an old expression: It takes just as many muscles to smile as it does to frown. To be honest, I really don’t know if that's true. But I do know I feel better when I smile. Which is precisely why I do smile.

Don’t wait for ‘something’ good or spectacular to happen in your outer environment to put on that smile. Do it. Now. Right now!

Smile More. It’s good for you!

2010-04-05T17:32:00.003-07:00

Fearful Anticipation…

is typically, usually, generally much worse than the actual event.
Another way of saying that is: It’s almost certainly not going to be as bad as you think it will be.

Fearful anticipation is composed of thoughts - Thoughts which are insecure, anxious, negative; ones which make us feel fearful, frightened, scared, upset, worried, apprehensive, alarmed and even panicky or terrified.

These photos arrived the other day in an email.
Trust me – they’re totally tame.

The Headline:
Polar Bear Attack in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada

Underneath the photos this statement:
May your troubles always be smaller than you imagine!

We all have times when we initially expect the unpleasant or the worst. Dwelling in that mode, that mindset, is what creates the fearful anticipation and the unpleasant bodily symptoms too.

Fearful anticipation is composed of thoughts - thoughts which are insecure, anxious, negative; ones which make us feel fearful, frightened, scared, upset, worried, apprehensive, alarmed and even panicky or terrified.

And lots of times that fearful anticipation can take up more time and more energy than the actual event. Let’s say you have something to do – something that’s not the most pleasant thing in the world to you. You can spend hours, and even days just about consumed with the idea of danger –about what kind of symptoms you’re going to have and/or how intense they’re going to be.

Reminders: nervous fear is the fear of discomfort. We are afraid of feeling afraid or uncomfortable. Another thing to remember is that it’s not people, places or things that ‘cause’ our symptoms, it’s our attitude (composed of thoughts) about whatever it is in the outer environment. Of course an event can ‘trigger’ symptoms, trigger an original response, but we are the ones who keep the response alive – increasing it or exterminating it through our thoughts.

There is a way to cancel out those worry thoughts, with a straightforward, realistic thought: “I don’t know how good or bad I’m going to feel”. Better yet, “I don’t know how I’m going to feel”. Another secure thought I always used in the beginning was: “I have some tools, some secure thoughts to use now, plus, I CAN trust my basic functions to carry me through.

The most common argument I hear against/about that ‘trust your basic functions’ one is: “Well once upon a time I was so bad off from a panic attack I got carted away in an ambulance.” That’s a totally average thing to go through. Lots of us had that happen. Why did that particular past incident get so scary and the symptoms intense enough to make us think we needed emergency help? Because the fear thoughts overtook our minds. I for one can attest to the fact that when I had my ‘worst’ panic attack – danger thoughts were the ONLY thing going on in my mind. I made ‘it’ worse. I kept the panic alive. I kept the symptoms growing.

The only way to stop the fearful anticipation, either before or during a stress-filled event is to change to secure thoughts – Consistent and persistent, determined and relentless practice.

Practice. That’s the only method I know that keeps us At Ease and In Control, or in some cases at least ‘somewhat’ at ease and in control.

2010-03-28T17:22:00.000-07:00

'Average' is Good

What an EXCELLENT reminder that ‘Average’ can be Good.
Very Good!!

Eliminating fear and anger thoughts certainly help us perceive Life just that way... Wonderful !!

2010-03-12T09:21:00.005-07:00

Not Perfect
..........but Still Wonderful

...............What a GREAT reminder that an 'Average' Life,
...............even without any 'exceptional' accomplishments,
.............. can be Good. .VERY Good!

.............. Very, Very Good!!

2010-02-26T08:55:00.003-07:00

Thoughts:
… We Use Them A Lot

Here’s a partial list of what we do with them:

Judge........Decide.......Worry
Wonder.....Wish......... .Plan
Scheme.....Hope....... ...Concentrate
Dream.......Imagine......Study
Evaluate....Recall..........Remember
Assume.....Guess..........Speculate
Analyze.....Question......Investigate
Pray..........Presume......Consider

Our Thoughts form our:

Attitudes......Ideas..........Beliefs
Opinions......Visions........Apprehensions
Concerns......Goals..........Expectations
Ambitions.....Views..........Enthusiasm
Impulses......Wants.........Doubts
Questions.....Words.........Desires
Cravings.......Choices.......Intentions
Fears...........Suspicions....Interpretations

When we have an idea – that Idea is a Thought
When we have an opinion – that Opinion is a Thought
When we worry – the Worry is composed of Thoughts
When we judge someone or something right or wrong, or good or bad – that Judgement is a Thought
When we talk – we are speaking/expressing/vocalizing the Thoughts we are thinking

Even before we move our muscles, we think thoughts that activate commands to them.
Let’s take a simple example:
You want a glass of water, and decide to pour one for yourself.
The ‘want’ is a thought.
The ‘decide’ is a thought.
Those thoughts trigger commands to the muscles to carry out the act(s) to produce the end desire: A glass filled with water.

Thoughts, we do use them a lot.
The truth is–we wouldn’t do much of anything without our Thoughts.
They truly are the Central Components of Life.

Now, that’s something to think about!

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

2010-02-24T12:38:00.003-07:00

On the Same Page

“You can't always control which thoughts come… but you can decide which ones you allow to stay around.”

Now, you might guess that statement was spoken by someone in the mental health field. I would have at one time. After all, our own Dr. Low said something very similar. As I was taught: We are not responsible for the thoughts that come in, but we CAN accept, reject or change them. In my opinion, Low’s version is a bit more definite, more clear cut.

I know, I’ve written on this topic before (12-08-09 blog entry) – and I DO believe it’s important enough to mention again. We are NOT responsible for the thoughts that ‘come to mind’.

What does the statement do for you? For me – when I accepted it fully – it meant RELIEF! Relief, as in: It’s not my fault – I’m not wrong, I’m average for having anxiety thoughts, or depressive thoughts, or “unusual” thoughts. (‘unusual’ is the most neutral/moderate adjective I can think of at the moment.)
You are not wrong for the thoughts that come, so you can stop blaming yourself, and place the effort into changing them.

Actually, the quote at the beginning of this article came from Joel Osteen, the minister of the mega-church in Houston, TX.
And it’s really not that surprising the words are coming from someone outside the mental health field.

Lots and lots and lots of self-improvement, personal development, self-awareness, enlightenment, higher achievement, and spiritual programs teach about being mindful of what we’re thinking.

Our Thoughts – they’re important.
We DO need to pay attention to them!

2010-02-22T13:40:00.002-07:00

Park It!

Park it? Yes, park your tongue!

I learned of this stop-those-thoughts method a couple of months ago. The article I read had to do with quieting the mind for meditation – stopping the mind-chatter, which in our language would be: stopping the racing thoughts.

The technique is to stabilize your tongue by resting it lightly on the roof of your mouth. ‘Park’ it there (my terminology). It’s a Zen technique believed to cut down on subvocalization – which is when your tongue moves slightly with the thoughts that pass through your mind.

Well, I’ve tried it and it DOES work. Also passed it along to a few people who I knew were having difficulty with racing thoughts. They reported back that it has worked for them too. One person mentioned it was especially helpful when going to sleep at night.

Try it – it’s a form of muscle control. And, if after a time you do notice the thoughts floating back through, do re-check to see/feel what position you tongue is in (this comes from personal experience). Simply re-park your tongue to the top of your mouth, and enjoy the moments of relaxation and/or relief which stopping those thoughts can produce.

Give it a chance. Don’t blame yourself if you have to ‘park it’ time after time. Like any strategy, it takes practice.

2010-02-13T11:25:00.002-07:00

THE Voice

More than one cognitive modality for anxiety & panic suggests the technique of giving racing thoughts a name – “The Voice”.
The idea is to One: help you recognize the thoughts that you’re having; Two: to assist in reducing the fear.
If you use this technique, and it does indeed help reduce or stop insecure thoughts – that’s wonderful. Do continue using that method.

If you’ve been calling the thoughts – “The Voice” and it’s not been helpful, or it’s lost it’s positive effect, maybe it’s time to let go of “The Voice” – time to let go of calling it "The Voice".

It very well could be that labeling thoughts as “The Voice” you’ve inadvertently given it some power, some authority – when in fact the thoughts are harmless. Thoughts are distressing, not dangerous – unless we attach danger to them. It’s our interpretation, the interpretation of threat and danger that makes them feel scary, and makes us feel scared. And that fear (thought) causes tension, and the tension increases the intensity and duration of symptoms.

A Secure & Realistic interpretation makes thoughts benign – harmless. And we are the ones who, after we have a thought, label and categorize it as either good or bad. It’s just a thought – it has no Power, no Control.

“The Voice” is not another entity – it’s not ‘something’ trying to ‘get you’. “The Voice” is thoughts. Thoughts. That’s all, just thoughts. Simply thoughts. Insignificant thoughts with NO Power, NO Control.

Sample
The thought comes: “I’m going to be nervous and end up miserable when I have that medical test next week.”

Your comeback, your response, to that thought could be: “I don’t know how I’ll feel. And I don’t have to believe what the thought is telling me.
Realistically, the test is not going to be a picnic. There’s going to be some discomfort – and whatever that discomfort is – I can handle it. My basic functions will carry me through."

The Power and Control are resident within us. We get to choose to use our power to accept, reject or change our thoughts – and that’s often one thought at a time.

2010-02-11T21:34:00.002-07:00

Snow Fatigue

I noticed that term in a headline a few days ago.

As soon as I read the words Snow Fatigue I thought Snow Temper.
Temper at the snow. Temper at so much snow. Temper at being inconvenienced by the snow. Temper at whoever for not clearing the snow off the roads. Temper at ‘having’ to go to work in the snow or else using up personal time. Temper at ‘the store’ for not having any de-icer/salt to put on the sidewalks or driveway. Temper at having to shovel the driveway, the sidewalk or move the mound of snow that the snow plow created around your car parked in the street. Temper at the schools being closed. Temper at the people and businesses who didn’t shovel their sidewalks. Temper at having to stay inside.

The other day I had an email from a friend who lives in one of the places where it snowed a LOT in the past week. Here’s part of it:
“How are things? Here, they are cold and snowy, but I can change my thoughts about it and that is AWESOME!!
You should hear all the moans and groans from everyone at work, kind of funny really.”

Now this is a person who takes his mental health seriously. I know him well enough to confirm that fact. Has he had his share of hassles? You bet he has. Yes, the weather-related irritations and frustrations came. Plenty of annoying ‘things’ happened, including being without power for two days and having to find a place for his family to stay. And ALL those ‘things’ he encountered were “trivialities compared to his mental health”. He knows that, and that’s the way he handled them.

Did he feel stressed at times? I’m sure he did. Did he get “stressed out”? Nope – he practiced his mental fitness tools – consistently and persistently. He had “average original responses” and chose to work them down, instead of working them up.

The remark about his co-workers? My friend observed what was going on – with no judgement. Because like many of us – ‘before' he would have also gotten into all ‘drama’ of what was going on in the Outer Environment.

He kept things in perspective with realistic/secure thoughts.

He stayed away from ‘talking it up and working it up’.
The outcome? He was (and is): At Ease & In Control.

2010-01-24T19:55:00.002-07:00

Non-Attachment

“The” computer has had a few viruses and other problems in the last two weeks. Somewhere during that time the idea came to me to start calling it – THE computer, instead of MY computer.
That one word change assisted me in putting it even farther out into OE – Outer Environment. Waaaayyyy out there in OE.
A form of non-attachment? Detachment? Separation? I think so.
For me it was. It loosened my tie to the difficulty.

Try it, and take note of how your feelings change.
Instead of: MY car has a problem, THE car has a problem.
Instead of: MY water heater has a problem, THE water heater has a problem.
Instead of: The heating element in MY clothes dryer isn’t working, The heating element in THE clothes dryer isn’t working.

It makes a difference. A little thing? Yes.
But another tool to keep At Ease & In Control.

2010-01-08T09:44:00.002-07:00

Are you TRYING?

I love this quote:
Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.
……………. Jedi Master Yoda

Simple. Direct. To the point!!

There is NO TRY. Either we’re doing, or not doing.
There is NOTHING in between.

If we’re doing – we’re putting forth effort.
If we’re putting forth effort (and each of us knows when we TRULY are and are not) then hand-in-hand with that, it’s time for some silent or not-so-silent self-praise.

If we’re doing and haven’t yet accomplished a ‘final goal’ – where or what we want to be – we keep doing and keep applauding ourselves.

If we’re not doing – we need be honest, straightforward, mature and truthful enough to admit that to ourselves.
Then we choose. Either we are going to do, or continue not doing.

There is no TRY!
When we toss out ‘trying’, it makes us accountable – to ourselves.
It’s uncomfortable to face that we haven’t been giving something our best effort, or even a good-average effort. That discomfort can be a plus – driving us, motivating us, to take or increase our self-responsibility. It can stimulate us into practicing, more consistently. Not time and again.
But again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

There is no TRY!
Trying is one of those nebulous, vague terms – no way to measure or grade it. And trying has a somewhat negative connotation – as in: “I am doing BUT not succeeding.”

When we toss out ‘trying’, it really is refreshing to see that we really ‘are’ and ‘have been’ doing. It brings a realistic viewpoint front and center. We can celebrate: Wheeeeee!! “I’m not just trying, I Am DOING.” That IS reason to cheer and be glad!!
And proud too!!

2010-01-06T15:50:00.003-07:00

Sabotage

Sabotage is knowing “what” to do and choosing not to do it.

Let’s say your health care professional told you to regulate your sleep habits, get into a set pattern – meaning go to bed about the same time every night and not only wake up, but get out of bed, around the same time each morning. You tried it for a while and it worked. Now you’re not following that suggestion/direction, and once again you’re having trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

When we recognize our sabotaging action (or inaction) we have really have two choices:
1. Make a Firm Decision to do what it is you know IS good for your mind and body
2. Blame (and continue to blame) yourself for being inconsistent in practicing what’s good for you (sabotaging) and wallow in those thoughts.

You can probably figure out that making a Firm Decision ‘to do’ is healthier of those two choices. A firm decision is not “I’ll TRY”. A FIRM decision is: “I WILL do _____.”

Sabotage is lack of self-leadership. Self-leadership is doing what you say you’re going to do. How do you “do” what you say you’re going to do? By moving your muscles.

No excuses! No, “I don’t feel like it – because I’ve got a whole list of things to do today, and most of them I don’t want to do.” No excuses. Move the muscles. And those precious muscles will help re-educate your brain.

Mind and Body, Thoughts and Muscles – they’re a TEAM.

2010-01-03T21:54:00.004-07:00

Find Yourself Being More Forgetful???
.......... especially now that you're Older??

The truth is everyone forgot things & information when they were 11, 23, and 36 years old – they simply don’t remember. Now it’s a big deal. “Somebody” has made it a big deal – and I won’t point fingers, because whoever ‘they’ are – they’re not wrong they’re average.

Good news alert: The once long-held alarming view that 40% of brain cells are ‘lost’ has been reversed. Hurray! That’s one more fear thought, which seriously terrified millions of folks, we can promptly toss away. Now scientists confirm that our brains continue to develop through and beyond middle age. And what’s ‘middle-age’? That too is a matter of opinion. It’s been altered/ adjusted. Now they’re saying the span is from 40 years of age into the late 60’s.

Can’t remember what you had for breakfast yesterday? So what! It’s a triviality compared to your mental health. Yah, and here come those But’s: but remembering is part of my mental health; but I last week I couldn’t remember what the boss asked me to do; but yesterday I bought some fish at the market and can’t find it, etc.

A couple of months ago my sister and I were talking about our Father’s funeral, and she mentioned something I had no recollection of – no recollection whatsoever. Does that mean I’m going to worry, be mindful of all the times I forget, start keeping track of them, and start diagnosing? NO. NO. NO. Absolutely NOT.

By the way: Using labels such as ‘absent-minded’ and ‘scatterbrained’ are a form of attaching danger and diagnosing. Those are insecure thoughts.

Sorry – I refuse to attach danger to forgetting a name, a date, a specific word, something someone else remembers about an occasion, a very close friend’s birthday several years in a row, or anything else. Period. Exclamation point!

My rationale:
1. It’s AVERAGE to forget.
2. I’ve got a lot more information tucked in my brain today than I had when I was 35. That thought is realistic, and because it’s realistic, a fact, it’s also a secure thought.
Another fact: secure thoughts cancel out insecure thoughts. Always.

I guarantee you: the more you worry about forgetting, the more forgetful you’ll notice yourself becoming. Why? Because your mind is occupied/busy with fear thoughts, and what you’re trying to remember can’t come through.

____
And now I’m laughing… while writing this piece I took a break to check email. Received one from a friend I had dinner with in mid December. He was away, traveling over the holidays. Here’s part of his note: “I think I told you at our dinner that I would try to get some info for you. Not only did I fail to do so, I forgot what I was to obtain. Can you remind me?”

And here’s the humorous part of my side of it: I don’t remember, so I can’t remind him. The best I can come up with is that it ‘might’ be about a spiritual book he was reading or had heard about. But, I’m ‘not sure’ of that either. Maybe something will ‘ring-a-bell’ and maybe I will remember. And if I don’t, that’s OK too. TOTALLY OK.

My Supreme Goal is MY mental health, which to me means being
At Ease & In Control. Right now.

2010-01-01T06:42:00.002-07:00

Purpose in Life

What’s your Purpose in Life? A lot is said on the topic – about ‘finding’ your purpose, ‘having’ a purpose, how important it is.

In his infinite wisdom, Dr. Low - creator of the Recovery International Method - spelled that out for us. “… when you are ill your main and all-absorbing purpose must be the will to get well. All other purposes, no matter how inspiring and exalted, must be subordinated to the one leading and supreme purpose of getting well an keeping well.”

“Getting well and keeping well.” If symptoms dominate your life – the supreme purpose is ‘getting well’. For those of us who have regained our mental health – our supreme purpose is maintaining our health – ‘keeping well’.

Note the term Supreme Purpose. That’s more than a goal. It carries more weight than an intention. It’s the Ultimate Aim – the Fundamental Objective. Perhaps we can call it the Core or Central Objective. It’s the Highest. It’s Number ONE!

Yes, being a parent, a good average parent, is important. So is making a living. So is being a good spouse, sibling, daughter, son, friend, neighbor, boss or co-worker, solid citizen. But the fact is – no matter what intentions we have when it comes to family, work or spirituality – without good mental health, we can’t be successful. It’s impossible.

We don’t and won’t find fulfillment in life when we’re filled with anger or fear. It’s not possible. Take away the fear, take away the anger consistently (which translates to: putting your mental health FIRST – your sense of Inner Peace FIRST) and the rest of life will flow – much, much more easily.

Putting Mental Health FIRST has fringe benefits – which spill over into EVERY area of life. Want to be move loving? Put your mental health/inner peace first. Want more creative self-expression? Make mental health/inner peace your ultimate goal. Want better relationships? Work on your mental health/inner peace first. Want to feel better? Be happier? Be more content? Serve God, your fellow man? Get/have more meaning to your Life? Feel more spiritual? Deepen your connection with the Divine of your understanding? Feel good about yourself? Have more self-confidence? Self-Love?

ALL those goals, plus more - ARE achievable when we’re calm and clear-minded. And what’s another term for being calm and clear minded? Good mental health. They ARE one and the same.

On this first day of a New Year – I invite you to consider, seriously consider, your Supreme Purpose.

Peace and Blessings to YOU for this New Year,
Rose

2009-12-28T08:33:00.003-07:00

The Not-so-Fine Print
...... it can be a source of temper

Lots of information for us to tap into out there – especially via the Internet. And although it’s information, it may not be true knowledge.

Some items are hopeful, more are fear producing – and there are ‘key words’ to help you decide how to interpret more accurately.

The problem (and I’m not sure if that’s really what I want to call it) – the problem is some people, far too many people, take what they read as the gospel truth – even when the information includes the speculative words right up front.

‘Fine print’ refers to information which has to be read ‘carefully’, in order to decipher and interpret the correct, precise meaning. What I’m talking about with not-so-fine print are words which people often skip over. As a result, they believe what they read to be totally ‘true’.

SOME SAMPLES:
How germs may help your heart

People who are more spiritual may be better able to deal with the pain and limitations of chronic disease.

Babies born to women who take antidepressants may be more likely to have health problems, but that doesn't mean stopping medication.

Brain scan may reveal risk for Alzheimer's disease

Could fat babies mean fat toddlers?

Mediterranean Diet May Fight Depression

…Training May Be Tied to Health Risks

Vaccine May Treat Cocaine Addiction

Autism May Be More Common Than Thought

Congress may consider fees, advice issues in retirement accounts

Post-traumatic stress may harm kids' brains

The study suggests…

Finance gap could wreck climate talks

…the arrangement of a mother's genes could impact whether her son is gay

Some children from poor families may be receiving powerful drugs not because they need them, but because…

…suggests that the ice cap may nearly vanish in the summer much sooner than the year 2030

A cup (or more) of coffee or tea a day could keep Type 2 diabetes away

Any activity that requires long periods of close-up work, such as reading, may change the shape of the eye.

New Danish study says looking young apparently means a longer life.

High Leptin Levels May Protect Against Dementia

Psychological Approaches May Have the Potential to Block Fearful Memories

Amyloid Imaging May Identify Preclinical Alzheimer's Disease

Impulsivity Measures May Help Flag Future Pathological Gamblers

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy May Be Effective for Elderly With Depression

Substance Abuse Medications May Offer Effective Treatment Option for Pathological Gamblers

A study suggests…

Let’s look at this one:
…a gradual increase in the gas tax may be inevitable to prop up the state's nearly depleted Transportation Trust Fund.

Lots of folks will take that as: “It IS going to happen – taxes are going to go up – again. Right away. Gas is going to be more expensive. The add: We’re already spending $150.00 per month on fuel for the cars. Where’s that extra money in our budget going to come from?”

My point is – these ‘may’s’ and ‘could’s’, the ‘suggests’ and ‘apparently’s’ – all too often generate a response of fear or anger.

So when you ‘skim over’ an article, and feel ANY bit of temper rising within you – please do check for the may’s and could’s. And if you find them – know that the opposite of what the author ‘said’ is also possible.

That little act will certainly help you stay more At Ease & In Control.
Do it for your mental health!

2009-12-24T13:40:00.003-07:00

Holiday Wishes

My Best Wishes to each and every one of you to have a beautiful, good, average Holiday Season!!

....................Love & Blessings,

....................Rose

2009-12-21T23:06:00.002-07:00

It’s OK to Second-Guess

It’s OK to second-guess? I can hear the (shock) thoughts churning now: “Whaddya mean it’s OK to second guess? Every ‘expert’ tells us not to.

Well, let’s think about it realistically. You make a decision, and after it’s made, you review your decision. That could be considered second-guessing. That action could be called wise.

It’s not second-guessing that gets us in trouble. It’s 35th second-guess, the 74th, the 209th second-guess that keep us stressed. Or maybe we could call it Continuous Second Guessing which stresses us out, makes us cranky and crabby, and often down, disgruntled and depressed. All those extra guesses stem from one type of thought: “Did I make a mistake?” Maybe not in those exact words. The insecure thoughts could take the form of: “I should have…” or “I shouldn’t have…”

Second guessing is not something that happens outside of us. It involves thoughts – our own thoughts. Granted, someone may say something, or something may happen that triggers the fear (yes, it IS fear). There may even be a whole series of circumstances, yet – WE are the ones who keep the cycles going.
How? With our thoughts. Ahhh, and sometimes with our actions too. How so? By asking. Repeated asking. Asking your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, you best friend, someone you respect, and even someone you may not think too much of – if they agree or if they disagree with what you did (or didn’t do). In this case it’s muscular action + thoughts that keep the worked-up, worked up.

It’s talking it up = working it up in one of it’s finest form.
Where are you when you ask 12 people for their opinion, and 5 five are on ‘your side’ and the other 7 express some doubt or concern? Where are you? Still worked up. Even when you have a solid majority – maybe out of the 12 you come up with 8 yeas and 4 nays – it’s still possible to remain worry mode.

A solution?
a. Stop and think about what you’re thinking.
b. Watch your words. What you speak is what you’re thinking.
c. Excuse yourself. The decision you made ‘was’ – that’s the past – the past is outer environment.
c. Know that whatever decision you’ve made, there are still other choices you have access to.

The fact is: All of Life IS a series of choices and decisions.

And one of those choices is:
Will I be at ease & in control, or worked-up?

2009-12-18T14:48:00.002-07:00

Why??? Why??? Why???
…………..Am I Thinking This Way?

Probably one of THE GREATEST truths I learned through the Method is this:

We are not responsible for the thoughts that come into our minds, but we can accept, reject or change those thoughts.

How freeing that was to me. ALL those insecure, oddball, sometimes scary thoughts I had were NOT because I was bad, terrible, crazy, mad, or losing my mind. I did not have to be ‘wrong’ for having the thought in the first place. WOW, I was ‘not wrong’, I was ‘average’. What a relief!!

Thoughts come. From where? I have no idea ‘where’ they come from. Maybe someday science will give us ‘the’ answer.

The second vital and essential piece of information is:

We can accept thought(s). We can reject thought(s).

We can change our thought(s).

In other words: We’re not responsible for them ‘coming’.

We ARE responsible for them ‘staying’ and ‘multiplying’.

That’s the method:
a. Deliberately STOP and think about what you’re thinking
b. Deliberately IDENTIFY the insecure/unrealistic thoughts
c. Deliberately REPLACE those thoughts with healthier ones - - over, and over, and over again if need be. Throw out one thought by replacing it with another does not necessarily work when the process is only done once. Especially when you’re a rookie. Deliberate, consistent, conscious effort is required.

Somewhere else, I’ve seen the statement:
Don’t believe everything you think.
That means Choice. It’s either “I choose to believe this thought”, or “I choose to not believe this thought.”

When you’re feeling good, it’s a sign that you’re thinking good.
If you’re not feeling good, it’s a Chance To Practice – another chance to practice.
As long as we’re thinking, there will always, always, always be opportunities. That’s Life.

2009-12-16T07:34:00.002-07:00

Fear is Fear is Fear

Call it apprehension or worry or concern or feeling uneasy – it’s FEAR.
It’s an insecure thought that ‘something’ bad or unpleasant is going to happen.

It doesn’t matter if it’s about or related to a physical condition or an emotional symptom. Some people have the idea that if it’s related to a ‘real’ physical difficulty or diagnosis, they can’t or shouldn’t use mental fitness tools to dissipate the fear.

I disagree. ALL fear – can be lessened, diminished, reduced. Fear is fear is fear. Worry is thoughts – a bunch of them. Thoughts are mental activity.

I have a wonderful friend who had a hip replacement a few years ago. Recently he fell off the lower second rung of a ladder. In the process, his foot got caught and the fall caused his hip joint to ‘pop out’ causing considerable pain and a trip to the hospital. (this is the second time his bionic part has done that) Now, with a deep wrinkle on his forehead, he admits to being ‘overly’ cautious – that is – thinking about, worrying about whether it ‘might’ happen again.

That’s the key word – ‘Might’.
Might is a ‘what if’ and the topic of ‘what if’s’ is typically some kind of danger. Most people don’t think: “What if it NEVER happens again”. They think: “What if it DOES happen again.”

Yes, it’s a realistic concern. BUT, not one that ‘should’ consume an otherwise well-adjusted, happy person’s mind. The solution? As always – changing thoughts.

What comes to mind is possibilities and probabilities. Is it possible? Of course – everything is possible. Is it probable? Is it likely to happen again? Not in the same manner, if he stays off ladders.

Is a third occurrence more likely because a second one took place? Perhaps. The medical community has figures and statistics, which state that the likelihood ‘could’ increase – but maybe not. MAYBE NOT! That ‘maybe not’ is a secure thought. Maybe, just maybe, the healing that takes place now will create an even stronger connection for the natural tissue with the artificial device. That IS a possibility too.

Right now the condition of his hip may be distressing, but it’s not dangerous. It’s fixed. It’s back in place. I know, I know, someone out there is saying: “BUT, it could be dangerous.” So ‘could’ sitting on that chair you’re parked on right now. It ‘could’ fall apart, or you ‘could’ slide off it and hit the floor.

The point is (and this goes for any physical condition): do what the doctors recommend, and DO catch yourself when you’re worrying. Make it a point to stop and think about what you’re thinking, and change your thoughts. If the worry continues, continue changing your thoughts to more realistic and secure thoughts. Be persistent. Be consistent.

Fear thoughts produce the ‘feeling’ of fear, and secure thoughts reduce and eliminate fear.

As many of us well know, fear thoughts cause emotional pain. And, a mind filled with fear – distracted with fear – is more likely to cause/contribute to an accidental fall. Plus, fearful thoughts thought day after day, night after night lead to depression.

On the Fear Scale – Realistic, rational, average caution is several notches below fear.

How can you tell of you’re being simply cautious or overly cautious?? That’s a very individual & personal verdict. Only you can gauge that. Ask yourself: How tense do I feel? The answer will tell you of the fear thoughts are outnumbering the secure/realistic ones.

Mind and body are connected. Our bodies do let us know what’s going on in our minds. They do let us know when we’ve over-indulged in fear thoughts.

~ ~ ~ ~

In the words of Leo Buscaglia:
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,
............ it only saps today of its joy.”

2009-12-14T08:08:00.002-07:00

Poor Mondays – they get a pretty bad rap

How many times have you heard people ‘slamming’ Mondays?
“I’m doing ok (pause) for a Monday.” (spoken in a depressed tone of voice)
or, “I hate Mondays!!” (with a tight, serious facial expression)

Ouch – that ‘HATE’ is a pretty strong word.
WOW. Talk about temper!

Monday is a day – that’s all. Every 7 days it’s Monday again. There are 52 (give or take) Mondays per year

Just because a lot of people express their strong dislike of Mondays – does that really mean we all have to jump in and agree?
The whole thing may have started out as some humor in the cartoons, and now it’s like a world-wide syndrome.

For some people ‘hating Mondays’ actually makes them cranky, crabby, grumpy & sad on Sunday because they know Monday is fast approaching.
Is that any way to live?? Spending Sunday, dreading Monday?? What a waste.

Think about it: hate for Mondays is temper. Temper causes tension, tension causes symptoms. Is it worth it? You already know my answer to that one!

Soooooooo, I vote we put a good/pleasant adjective in front of each day of the week. Actually I’ve already done this for a few years. The tellers at the bank I go to already know the routine, and they are quick to tell me what day it is, complete with the positive, cheery prefix.

Marvelous Monday
Terrific Tuesday
Wonderful Wednesday
Tremendous Thursday
Fabulous (or Fantastic) Friday)
Super Saturday
Splendid Sunday

What we choose to label something DOES make a difference in how we feel about it (in other words, how we judge it).

Plus, those pleasant labels make for smiles, instead of frowns. They add joy, instead of grumbling. And that’s good for everyone’s mental health.

2009-12-12T21:40:00.003-07:00

A Tip on Time

Tis the season for Holiday gatherings – and with that comes being somewhere at a particular time.
Some people like to get to where they’re going on the early side. To others arrival time doesn’t matter all that much. Often, the question comes up: “How early is too early?” The topic of when to leave, how much travel time to allow for can even spur vocal differences of opinion – disagreements and stress.

The realistic fact is: you only have 60-second window to get anywhere ‘precisely’ on time.
Sixty seconds. One minute. That’s all.
If you have to get somewhere at 5:00 – it’s only ‘exactly’ 5:00 for 60 seconds – then it’s 5:01.

Whatever time you’re expected (whether it's you or someone else who set the expectation), odds are you’re going to get there before, or after. Possible you’ll be there at the specific time – but probably you won’t be. So take the pressure off yourself.

What’s more important, the time you get there, or the mood you’re in when you get there?

So, make it what it is: No Big Deal. Trivial. Not at all worth getting upset over.
After all – the goal IS to be At Ease & In Control – and you CAN achieve it.

2009-12-10T08:46:00.002-07:00

“I Forgot” or…

What’s the typical/average response to “I forgot to ____”?

You’re right, it’s usually a insecure reaction (thought), that throws us immediately into self-blame – which is another thought – a fear/judgement thought – “I’m wrong!”
That’s the habit pattern (thought pattern). You can even see this very reaction with a young child – let’s say a six-year old who forgot one item of homework.

Now let’s look at the truth – the realistic viewpoint. And a viewpoint is a thought – a thought that CAN be changed.
Yes, whatever ‘it’ was may have been forgotten, but now, in the present moment, you have remembered.

Instead of that blame reaction “I forgot”, we could be celebrating the fact that we remembered.

Immediate Insecure interpretation (thought): “I forgot”
changed to
Secure thought: “Hey, I just remembered!!”

Even though they’re average, we DON’T have to live with our first responses.

We have the freedom and the ability to consciously change our thoughts.

Always!

2009-12-08T16:53:00.002-07:00

Remove the Blinders

Pretend you have the word FEAR written in big letters on the palm of your right hand, and the word ANGER written on the palm of your left hand.
Now, with your eyes open, bring both hands up towards your face and cover your eyes.
What do you see?? Maybe a little light peeking in around the edges? Not much else.

Now that you’ve read the instructions – try it. There’s a lot more impact in doing the exercise, rather than simply reading about it.

In the dark - that’s where we’re stuck when we’re in a vicious cycle of temper – with very little or no insight.
That’s what fear and/or anger do – cause a condition which we could call temporary blindness. Not vision or eyesight blindness, but mental-emotional ‘loss of sight’.

We don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to do it. If we stay in that state long enough (hours or days) we can easily slip down into:
I can’t, I just can’t…
I’ll never be able to…
I’m a mess
I’m confused
Life is horrible
I’m depressed
I’ll never be well enough to function (at a job, as a parent, etc.)
I can’t see how this is ever going to work out
I’m a failure

......and on, and on, and on.

And just what is insight? Inspiration. Ideas. New/different/healthier interpretations (all of which by the way are thoughts).

Ideas come when the mind is clear – or at least semi-clear.

The Solution? Release the judgment that either you, or someone else, or something else is wrong. You probably won’t get immediate results, but the fresher, new & improved thoughts will begin to flow.

2009-12-05T09:54:00.002-07:00

When Your Mind Seems to Have
a Mind of Its Own

STOPPING the Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah,
Blah, Blah, Blah...

The other night I made the ‘mistake’ of reading a news article online about an hour before I went to bed. Yes, In my mind it was a mistake, because I know better (for me).

Typically I’m pretty selective about what I read. I’ve found that it’s just much, much easier to not plant something in my mind in the first place, than to try to get rid of it later. With that said, in case you’re wondering, I do not watch TV news, because I don’t own a television. That’s not exceptional. For me there’s just not a lot of content that interests me. It’s not any more exceptional than not having chocolate ice cream in the freezer, when you don’t eat chocolate ice cream.

Back to the topic: The article I read was about a murder in my former home town. The details were not particularly grisly, but there was enough there to ‘paint a picture’ in my mind, in other words – to ‘deposit’ thoughts in my mind. And even though I did other things before I went to bed, when I was trying to fall asleep, BING, BING – here came the thoughts about what I read. They were really more bothersome than upsetting. Nevertheless I didn’t fall asleep as quickly as I normally do.

I am so grateful for learning about objectivity from the Method – doing something with focused concentration. To say I used that technique a lot way back when I was feeling panicky is an understatement. It’s good. It works – like a charm.

There are lots of relaxation/quiet-the-mind practices that call for counting backwards from 10 to 1, or 50 to 1, or 100 to 1. The idea for the procedure I’m going to describe here I invented for myself when I was learning to meditate. With that said, I will add that I have passed it along to others who use it strictly as a mental health tool – and successfully to.

Ready? With this process, you don’t count backwards with numbers-numerals, you do it by spelling the words. It takes a whole lot more focus and concentration. And, you don’t say the word before you spell it. So it’s not speaking or thinking ten – t e n. It’s t e n, then n i n e, etc.

Here goes:
t e n
n i n e
e i g h t
s e v e n
s i x
f i v e
f o u r
t h r e e
t w o
o n e
z e r o

If you want to get fancy, you can also picture the letters as you think them and then “see” them or the entire word in your mind’s eye. Sort of how it would look if you were printing them on a blackboard or whiteboard.
Notice the sample? All the letters are lower case. That’s how I “see” mine. All uppercase, or a mixture is fine too. Whatever you want. You are the creator, the graphic designer. More elements: What color are your letters? What color is the background?

The more detail you add, the more your mind has to work on what you are directing it to do – keeping it busy with NO time for unwanted thoughts to slide back in. Any thoughts that do try to come back are stopped by an imaginary (maybe not-so-imaginary) ‘busy signal’, a ‘no admittance’ sign, an error message… Like the recorded message you get when you call your internet connection provider because you can’t access email or anything else and voice says: “All circuits are busy. Please try again later.”

So is my stop-the-thoughts method tedious? Yes, you could say so. Effective? You bet. And, it can have an element of fun too, if you move your lip and cheek muscles into a smile when you begin doing it, plus label it a mind ‘game’.

Why go to all that trouble?
Me? I do it for my mental health.
Actually getting quiet, being still, benefits my mind, body and spirit.
ALL of me wins!!

2009-12-03T07:54:00.002-07:00

What’s the Difference between Angry Temper and Angry Thoughts?

Note: From time to time I’ll do a Q & A post. This question happened to come from an RI Group Leader – someone asked them, they in turn asked me. My thinking is, if one person wants some clarification, others most probably do too.

So, what is the difference between Angry Temper and Angry Thoughts?
The way I understand it – Nothing.

Angry Temper – the judgment that someone else or something else is wrong is a thought – a temper thought. The expression of anger may be outward – BUT before it’s an action, it’s a thought. We think before we speak. That’s how it works. We think thoughts, before they come out of our mouths.

Granted, in some cases the words come out with lightning speed, and it seems as though we speak before we think. Think about it: If we didn’t have thoughts first, there would be no words. As humans, that’s how we’re wired.

Anger is anger, whether it’s spoken or thought. And, at times there are no spoken words, but acts. Walking away ‘in a huff’ is an angry gesture, so is slamming a car door, so is sulking, so is scowling (you know what I mean – it’s that face thing that sends a snarly message).

Out-rage is pretty easy to recognize. In-rage (I know, I know the correct spelling is enrage, yet “In-rage” points to where the anger originates – inside our minds).

In-rage is having angry-judgmental thoughts. “Somebody else is wrong.” Out-rage is the resulting action that can occur.

Racing, angry thoughts are not always volatile – as in you’re really, really, really, really mad. Although that kind is easy to recognize when you’re having them.
The judgmental, ‘he’s wrong/she’s wrong thoughts’ can be more subtle – and I’d say most of the time they are. So are they less harmful? Well, in a sense they may be. But if several irritations, frustrations and disappointments come up, let’s say in a 12-hour day, and they’re not taken care of (not consciously excused) that’s where feeling overwhelmed comes from. Number 10 triviality get stacked on top of Number 9, on top of Number 8, on top of Number 7, etc.

Think about it: At that point you’re ‘feeling’ the tension from 10 prior events/responses, not just one. Of course it’s going to make you feel swamped, irritable, cranky, crabby, not at-ease and maybe even tired too.

That’s why I find it so important to use the guideline of trying to handle each triviality/each response of even the slightest temper/judgment as soon as it happens.

The fact is: Temper causes tension, tension causes symptoms.
It’s a whole lot easier to work down an original response when you feel the tension – BEFORE the tension grows into symptoms.

2009-12-01T07:14:00.002-07:00

So what’s The Big Deal about Gratitude??

Well, it’s an activity of changing the focus from what we don’t have, to what we do have.

Tis the season… The holidays in general, and holiday shopping time can be a time for the “What-we-don’t-haves” to come to the surface. Behind those “What-we-don’t-have” thoughts are fear, concern, worry as in: I don’t have enough, and other thoughts – which can quickly escalate to: I am not enough. And anger, resentment, envy, jealousy too as in: “They” have so much more than I do – and a few thoughts later spiral into thinking ‘who’ is at fault for our present circumstances, It’s just not fair, and more (more temper).

In order to change our focus – we need to our change thoughts.
Can’t feel grateful, if we don’t think grateful thoughts. Besides, thinking of what we do have right now– is good practice in thinking realistic thoughts.

My personal preference is to write a gratitude list. For me the act of writing is more meaningful than simply thinking about what I’m grateful for.
When we write – we’re thinking the thought, writing the thought, seeing the thought on paper, and reading it too as we’re writing. Lot’s of physical senses involved. It takes some effort & concentration.

For several years I wrote the standard: I am grateful for _______.
Now sometimes I add some variety.

There are lots and lots of ways to express gratitude.

I appreciate ______.

I’m so fortunate to ______.

I’m lucky to be/have ______.

I’m so very glad to ______.

WOW, I really appreciate ______.

I am thankful for ______.

I’m so lucky to have _____.

I’m so happy to ______.

I’m so pleased to ______.

I really value ______.

I am sooooooooooo grateful for ______.

I’m really happy about ______.

I am profoundly grateful for ______.

I am so blessed to ______.

And one of my favorites: I really cherish ______.

Me? Among other ‘things’ – I really cherish my mental health!

There’s no right or wrong in which words you choose to use. It’s the heartfelt feeling of appreciation that shifts/elevates your mood (feeling).
Suggestion: Just like any other practice – Say it like you mean it.

One more idea –
Thinking about what we don’t have makes us feel bad.
Thinking/being grateful for what we do have makes us feel good.

As always, we get to choose what we want to consciously think about and dwell on. And, as always, for BEST results – practice daily.

2009-11-29T21:05:00.002-07:00

I Can’t Decide…

Ever feel that way? In duality? Unable to make a choice? Bouncing back and forth from “I want to… But maybe not.”

Several times when I haven’t been able to decide exactly ‘what’ to do in a certain situation, I do the standard pluses and minuses list. Sometimes that activity can bring out enough realistic observations to easily make a choice. And sometimes not. The result is two lists. Two lists, and no conclusion.

Lots of us have been ‘caught’ there when we’re in what I’ll label ‘somewhat significant situations’. Yes? Or, No? Should I? Or, shouldn’t I?

Situations such as:
* I really could use a better vehicle… should I buy a new one now, or wait until January or February?
* I’m not really happy… Should I get out of this relationship now, even though some parts are good, others are not?
* Should I let my children go live with their Father, even though I’m not 100% sure they will be happy?
* Should I move my Mother to an assisted living facility, or wait another few months?
* Should we buy a home in another state, just to live closer to at least one of our children and his family?
* Should I even try for that job transfer to Texas with my company, which has a very good potential for a big promotion in the next two years? Yet if we move half way across the country it would mean my husband having to find a new job and the kids changing schools in the middle of the year?
* Should I move some of that extra money to a safe CD at the bank, or take a chance on that great low-risk stock my wealthy Uncle recommended last week?

My suggestion, and I have done this (with success) – if there’s no huge rush, no impending next-day deadline, I make a firm decision to put off the decision to a later date. What? A firm decision to not make a decision?

Hey, it works. If the back-and-forth thoughts are causing more than a little bit of stress & tension, making a firm decision to put off a decision to a later date makes sense. It’s taking the emergency out of it.
It takes away the self-imposed pressure. “Self” imposed pressure is “I” imposed pressure. If “I” have imposed/created it, “I” can uncreate it by thinking different thoughts.

Choose any reasonable date in the future and make a simple decision: “I’m going to review this again in two weeks” or “I’m going to reconsider this on January 2nd.” I prefer choosing a date (for me it seems more of a definite firm decision, plus it’s entered as a To-do on my calendar). Then, if any working-up type thoughts do come up, you can just tell yourself (think/bring to mind) “I don’t need or want to think about that now. I’ve already made a firm decision to reconsider the facts on January 2nd.” That really does put a stop to the duality.

So when you’re in bed trying to fall sleep and the ‘Maybe I should, Maybe I shouldn’t’ thoughts come back, you just tell yourself: “I’ve promised myself…” (that’s really what a firm decision is – a promise or an even stronger word is ‘vow’) “I’ve promised myself I will review my options on January 2nd.” Period. Exclamation point! The END.

Often during the interim time, when we’ve taken the pressure off ourselves, something or someone comes along spontaneously with new information or a different/better opportunity which makes making the end-goal decision much more uncomplicated.

Try it. It beats duality and worry!

2009-11-23T20:14:00.002-07:00

I am Blessed!!

This morning as I was driving, about a mile from home I heard a chime sound in the car. Looked at the dashboard and saw the oil light flicker on and off. About a mile later it did the same thing.

My favorite gas station/repair place is just another mile or so down, and I decided to stop there. The owner checked the oil, said it was about a quart low, and since it was about time for an oil change I agreed to have it done.

After waiting 15 minutes or so, a different mechanic came to me in the waiting area and told me the brake pads needed to be replaced – soon, as in within the next 50 miles, or else the brakes would be scratching on the rotors. The cost: $169.00. I had a tiny– ouch, that’s going to cost some money response, and said “Go ahead and replace them”.

So where’s the Blessing? First the oil light went on to ‘warn’ me of that condition. Then, the mechanic was wise enough to check the brakes when the car was up in the air and notice they were very worn.

There are only two ways to look at (think about) events: positively & securely, or negatively & insecurely. There is always that choice.

We are the ones who get to label what happens in our lives.

Lots of people may disagree with me – and that’s totally OK.
Years ago I would not have considered a series of events like this a blessing either. It may have been a triviality, but a Blessing??? Nope. I couldn’t see it that way (I didn’t think of it that way). Way too much off-and-on fear and anger were blocking any insight.

I found that’s what racing, insecure thoughts do – build distrust, and increase discomfort. And the opposite is also true: indulge in secure thoughts only – refuse to argue (think) otherwise and you will attain trust – and peace (relief).
It’s quite uncomfortable distrusting anyone and everyone – thinking everyone or most everyone is out to ‘get you’ in some way. Being suspicious is being fearful. Being fearful comes from thinking fearful thoughts. That’s all.

Yes, Lots of Blessings in my life today – and I’d have to say the most significant one is that I remained At Ease and In Control.

2009-11-20T07:09:00.002-07:00

Rehearsing for the Family Gathering

Rehearsing? Yes!
Rehearse being nice. Being group-minded.
Being at ease & in control.

Why not? We sometimes rehearse being annoyed, angry or resentful. Rehearse? With our thoughts & imagination.

In fact (here comes another ‘confession’ on my part) there was a time when I did just that: run through a past or future ‘scene’ – If so-and-so says _____, I’ll say ____.” And, I experienced discomfort: racing thoughts, plus physical distress. Keep thinking fear and anger thoughts long enough, and the body will let you know what you’re doing.

I call it The Temper Alarm that ‘goes off’. It varies considerably, but you probably have your favorites. Favorites? Yes, those typical places where your body ‘collects’ and ‘exhibits’ the tension. For many years, for me it was my stomach. Before that, it was a pretty strong tension in the back of my neck. Temper is the cause; symptoms, the effect.

But, back to the topic...
At first I thought racing thoughts were only connected to fear. Then I recognized those other kind, the anger thoughts, could be just as swift and speedy.

Thoughts about an upcoming family gathering – whatever kind: a holiday dinner, wedding, reunion, etc. – have a tendency to bring up the past. Past tempers too… “Remember when so-and-so did such-and-such?”
If it’s a humorous memory, by all means do laugh about – whether you’re expressing your memories out loud to yourself or someone else – or merely reviewing (having thoughts about them) in the space of your own mind.

Your judgments about Cousin Stuart or Aunt Christy, or Grandpa may be dormant during most of the year, but when you think about being in the same house/place with them again, temper thoughts are apt to arise. (this goes for friend-type gatherings too, not just blood relatives)

My suggestion: Take the time now, prior to the occasion, to reduce and extinguish any temper (thoughts) that you recognize or identify. Whoever ‘they’ are, they are outer environment. We can’t control anything but our own thoughts, and our own muscles. Whatever ‘they’ did is a triviality compared to your mental health.

I love the chapter in Mental Health Through Will Training that has the story about the ‘letter to be mailed’, and Dr. Low describes the letter as a ‘piece of paper’. How silly it is to get mad at/about a piece of paper.

That’s exactly how I came up with the idea that what someone says – even if it’s ‘hurtful’ and I initially get upset over it, in reality it’s only ‘sound & air’ coming out of their mouth. Take out the disturbing emotional aspect, and it’s only sound & air.

Yes, the other person may have had a unkind, hurtful ‘intention’ behind what they said. They may have been ‘showing’ their temper. But I say: “So what. My mental health is more important than the sound and air that came out of that person’s mouth!” Besides, it’s ridiculous to be mad at sound & air.

Think that’s a little far out?? Maybe. But if it works for me, if it reduces my temper and tension, and keeps my symptoms to a bare minimum – I’m going to share it.

Notice I used the word sound, not noise. To me, ‘noise’ has a connotation of temper. Noise is not pleasant. Sound is neutral. Also notice I used the word ‘air’ not ‘hot air’ – again for the same reason.

Once temper is lessen, released, erased, deleted – then make a FIRM decision that everything you say and do is going to be done with kindness.

So, this holiday time, do enjoy the yummy leftover food,
just watch it when it comes to leftover temper. I will too!

2009-11-18T09:46:00.002-07:00

Two Wise Men
~ ~ Two Wise Thoughts

Wisdom to think on:

"A thought produced it, and a thought could drop it.”
Abraham A. Low

“What thought has planted, thought can uproot.”
Ernest Holmes

2009-11-16T08:00:00.002-07:00

Above and Beyond

That’s not trivial!!

Since my last post was about what some would label a ‘major’ life event – I decided that now was as good a time as any to bring up this topic:
When is something not a triviality?

I was taught first to practice on the ‘minor’ everyday events which contributed to me feeling irritated, frustrated, disappointed, out-of-sorts, and upset. But, I’ll tell you, it’s gone way above and beyond that.

The truth is, what one person would consider a triviality, someone else may not. Judging whether or not an event is trivial, insignificant or minor (in the grand scheme of things), is a personal decision.

For me – just about everything is now trivial, No-Big-Deal. No, it wasn’t always that way. At first I followed what I thought were the rules. I followed them closely.

Yet it came to a point when I was confused?, puzzled? about what was, and what wasn’t a triviality. It was then I decided trivial or not – I could and would use my mental fitness tools no matter what the situation, no matter what the event. No matter how ‘BIG’ it seemed. No matter how important it was. If I was uncomfortable or down – I practiced: changing thoughts and commanding muscles. Everything became a “triviality compared to my mental health”.

Bear with me here…
When my Mother passed away 20 years ago, it was my first experience of a parent dying. This is how I dealt with it: The instant my Mother died was not trivial, BUT (and that’s a BIG but) BUT everything else that that was even slightly connected to the event was. Every one of my irritations, frustrations, disappointments, and fearful, insecure thoughts had to be handled. By me.

To be honest, I was scared and felt vulnerable (because I was thinking vulnerable thoughts). I was in ‘new’ territory. I was afraid of a setback. So my practice went into High Gear. Yes, I was, what might be called ‘hyper-vigilant’ of what thoughts were coming into my mind. But I did it for my mental health, my sanity, my inner peace. I didn’t want to ‘fall apart’ completely. And, I didn’t.

On the way to the funeral home for the first visitation, I had one particular sad/gloomy thought: “This is the worst day of my life, I’m going to see my Mother in a casket.” Followed shortly afterwards by: “No Rose. The worst day of your life was when you were terrified to walk from the house to the mailbox.” Oh! That pulled me back to being totally realistic about what I had to face.

Don’t get me wrong, I did a fair amount of crying. Maybe more than an average amount (but really, what is the measuring stick for weeping? Minutes or ounces?). There were a few times I wasn’t able to speak, but simply hug someone back. But, I did not fall apart completely.

This is definitely a case where I was not at ease (who would be?) but I was in control – of my inner environment. You might say I made a mighty firm decision that I would not allow myself to dwell on, or work up anything.
Original responses? Yes, of course – plenty of them. But no lengthy debilitating working-up processes.

As I said – for me, I employ my well-being skills for everything. I found it keeps me calmer and healthier. I do it for my mental health.

What’s more important? Someone’s (or anyone’s) words, actions or behavior, or My Mental Health?

To me the answer is a no-brainer. My mental health! Of course.

“Compared to my mental health”… Put in that perspective, I can’t imagine anyone answering anything else.

2009-11-14T05:42:00.003-07:00

One Wise Man
One VERY wise man

Within the last month there was a news report…
The parents of a television personality in the Chicago area were murdered. On the way to his parents' home after he was told of the murders, he asked himself, "Why me?" After driving several more miles, he said to himself: “Why not? I'm not special. It happens to 500 people a year in Chicago."
He changed his thoughts.

“Why not?” This so much reminds me of Dr. Low explanation that mental disorders/conditions are “fate appointed”. They happen! As soon as I read and accepted that explanation, I stopped digging and digging into my past to find out “why”. I also let go of the notion that it was so very extraordinary to have “nervous” problems. It helped me re-directed the energy I was putting into “poor me” and use that energy to help myself instead.

Another point from the news report: It was only a day or two later that this same television personality, announced that he had already “forgiven” those responsible for the event. And this was before any suspects had been apprehended.

In my eyes – what he did was “excused rather than accuse”. He did it to preserve his sanity. He did it for his mental health. Those may not be his thoughts, reasons or motivation at all, yet somehow he knew that it was THE best thing for him to do.

How wise of him to
#1 – Forgive/excuse quickly.
#2 – Do it before he ever saw the perpetrator(s). Because when he does eventually face who was responsible (either in photos or in person) – he can go back to his thought, his firm decision: “I’ve already forgiven.”
#3 – State his forgiveness publicly. Doing that kind of act so openly would very likely keep most anyone from later on retracting or withdrawing it.

One wise man. One very wise man. I applaud him.
Lots of knowledge to be gained from his decisions (which were in fact thoughts, before they were spoken) and his actions (carried out through his muscles).

We may never, ever be in that very same situation.
But we can learn from his story.

2009-11-12T07:24:00.002-07:00

Say it Like You MEAN it!

It does make a difference! A whole lot of difference.

I totally admit it. In the beginning, the tone of thought/voice when using what I call – verbal tranquilizers was ‘weak’. Maybe because I didn’t really believe what I was telling myself. Let’s cancel that ‘maybe’. I really didn’t believe those strong physical sensations that were a part of my panic, anxiety and the depressive thoughts were “distressing, but not dangerous”. I didn’t accept that they were scary, but that I was safe.

To be honest, I don’t recall how long it took before I began saying them with any force, any conviction. But when I did “say it like I meant it” it made a huge difference in my rate of progress.

To think that anxiety symptoms were dangerous – was a mistake. My mistake. I had to convince my brain that there was no danger. I had to convince my brain that I was coming up with the wrong answer/conclusion.

Here’s my analogy:
You’re teaching a 5-year old about addition: 4 + 5 = 9.
The child, for whatever reason, doesn’t ‘get it’, and his answer is 4 + 5 = 8.
You point out the ‘mistake’, and repeatedly repeat the correct answer – until the child accepts/memorizes the correct answer.

Another point: when you’re teaching a child, you are (or should be) outwardly patient. Patience lends itself to more successful outcomes. Impatience leads to frustration for both the child and the one doing the teaching.

When we’re learning and practicing a ‘new’ anything, in any field – it’s average to make mistakes. And it’s also true when we’re learning new ways of improving our mental health through healthy thinking. We make mistakes and go back to the old thinking, the old habit of thinking.
Lingering thoughts of impatience – “this is not working! I’m not feeling any better, it’s useless!” are simply mistakes in thinking, that can be corrected. With practice. Practice. Practice. Practice.

Impatient (fearful) thoughts slow progress. The antidote (secure thought) could be something such as: “NO! I AM making progress. I can’t really see or feel it, BUT I know every effort I make in changing my thoughts IS making a difference”.
It really is an accumulation of secure/realistic thoughts that make a cumulative, collective difference.” I assure you, one day that scale will tip in the right direction, as it did for me and thousands of others. You will accept and believe the healthy thoughts you’ve been telling yourself. The old, destructive habit pattern will be replaced.

So, back to ‘How’ you change your thoughts. I found that when I made my secure thoughts as strong as my insecure thoughts – it made a remarkable difference. With practice, the meek and weak, turned to assertive and strong.

Intense, firm, heavy-duty, forceful, powerful, determined – whatever adjective you want to use – my best recommendation is to:

Say it like you mean it!

2009-11-10T07:23:00.002-07:00

Comments on Comments

The online news headline: House Passes Healthcare Bill
Below it: What do you think?

Please DO note – MY comments below are made without the least bit of temper. They are simply realistic, rational, sensible, level-headed, reasonable, factual.
My response to “what do you think?”:
“Does it really matter what I think – what my opinion is?
It’s already a bill. Signed. Stamped. Delivered. Passed.
It is, and I can’t change it.”

How boring Rose! Yup – I agree. Boring, and healthy.

~ ~ ~ ~
Asking for comments is asking for opinions. And in my opinion, asking for opinions is something that very often generates anger, temper and even fear. Pure and Simple!

Does it really allow people to simply “blow off steam” and get rid of their anger/judgments? Does it put them at ease about the topic?
Or, is it a working up process that adds anger on top of anger? Another thing, “out there” to be afraid of or angry at.

In the case of online comments that have to do with a controversial subject, I’d say: “to type it up is to work it up”.

The words on the screen were first thoughts in someone’s mind. Yup – it’s all about the quality of our thoughts. We think ‘em before we speak ‘em. We think ‘em before (and as) we’re typing/writing them.

Don’t get me wrong – free speech is good. In fact it’s precious.
I just wonder how many people know that when they spew out their angry views and opinions, they’re hurting themselves?
But heck – that whole thing of expressing what “I think” is a whole lot more exciting and stimulating than sitting back and simply enjoying life day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. At least that’s what a whole lot of people think.

Until you try it, it’s a strange notion to be peaceful and excited at the same – about something good, or joyful, or just plain nice.
But I guarantee – it IS possible.

Lots and lots of positives are possible when a good portion of the fear and anger thoughts are no longer constantly in the picture.

Agitated? Or pleasantly energized?
Emotionally upset? Or, emotionally happy & peace-filled?

Thank You – I’ll choose the second!

2009-11-08T14:14:00.004-07:00

I Don’t Know

Several months ago I was at an on-the-premises estate sale (where the entire contents of home are sold off). The real estate sign in the front yard also had a big SOLD sign at the top.

There were several other people in the garage area where I was, and I overheard two men talking. From the gist of the conversation, I concluded that one of the men, probably in his early 70’s, was somehow associated with the sale. Perhaps a relative? I was not paying really close attention, but I did hear the second man ask: “What are you going to do now?” In a calm, even tone the first man answered: “ I don’t know.” And, he did not elaborate. Boy was I impressed!! How wonderful for him to be so at peace when he doesn’t know exactly what the future holds for him. “I don’t know” – to be able to say that and be totally comfortable, totally ‘at ease’.

Here comes another one of my “I remembers”…
I remember when “I don’t know” was a scary thought – as in “Yikes, I don’t know”. One that kept a vicious cycle of fear alive. In fact, as I’m typing this, I’m thinking it could be one of the ultimate thoughts that causes fear to continue going and growing.

The first scary “I don’t know” could simply be concern. Keep the thought alive and it will turn to worry. The imagination fires up – with the level of symptoms escalating in direct relation to the number of thoughts.
Worry produces headaches, an upset stomach, neck & shoulder tension, backaches, and/or a hundred and one other physical sensations/symptoms. And let’s not forget confusion – which I would consider a mental symptom.

When people are worried, rarely do they think of positive outcomes. The “What-if’s” that pop-up are typically gloom & doom, insecure thoughts which paint a grim outcome. And I do speak from experience here. I remember when…

How grateful I am that I learned that “to know, that I don’t know” could be, and is in fact, an average, rational, and realistic thought – as in: “Oh, I don’t know.”

Way back when, my nickname could have been Regimented Rose. “I must know how things are going to turn out next. I must anticipate anything & everything. I must be ready, and have a solution!” I wanted to have all the answers. And guess what – that’s NOT possible.

How carefree and peaceful is to be able to truly say, “I don’t know” whether the question concerns what might be termed a major thing or a minor one.

Where am I going to live in six months? How am I going to make my house payment this month? Is my company going to downsize again? Will I have a job next year? I don’t think I’ll have enough money to buy all the items on my grocery list.

Often, “I don’t know” is the healthiest thought we can have. Besides, if we don’t stay level-headed in the present, it’s almost a sure bet that we’ll be really rattled when an ’unpleasant’ situation does appear in our lives. And the reverse is just as true: Stay as level-headed as you can, and you’ll have a greater chance to receive & recognize insight as to what to do. What’s that old expression?? “Temper blocks insight” which equates to: low or no temper means an abundance of insight & choices.
“I don’t know” keeps us moving in the direction of our goals – short-term and long-term. Being frazzled and upset can keep you in such a state of mind that you feel incapable of doing anything

A “Right now, I don’t know” is calming in all types of situations:
“Right now I don’t know” - the results of those medical tests (whether they’re your own or anyone else’s). “Right now I don’t know” what college my daughter is going to be accepted to; what the weather’s going to be on our vacation; for sure how many children will show up at little Johnny’s birthday party; if the mechanic can be done fixing my car in time for me to get the tire repaired on my lunch hour, so I can get Haley to soccer practice right after work; if I’m going to be able to fall asleep at a decent time tonight,”
The list IS endless.

“I don’t know” – the scary/insecure kind – can also be disguised as: “I hope everyone likes the new casserole I’m making for tonight’s dinner”; “Boy, I sure hope the new minister is as good as our old one." Again, a simple, matter-of-fact “I don’t know” will put a mind at ease.

For major worries it will take repeated (and maybe relentless) “I don’t knows” to calm down. For the minor ones, it may take one or two, or maybe a few. Practice. Practice using “I don’t know” and it will become both a comforting, and a comfortable statement.

Oh, by the way, there’s also the fear of social reputation of “What are people going to think of me if I answer - I don’t know?”

So go ahead. Ask me: “Rose, when’s the next post on your blog going to be?”
“Right now, I don’t know.”

2009-11-05T13:17:00.003-07:00

Honesty = Self Leadership

While trying to hide their ‘condition’, people suffering from anxiety and/or depression often get into the habit of not quite telling the truth.

It’s part of covering-up-syndrome - why you ‘can’t’ do what other people do. It’s difficult to say: “I feel too panicky” or “I’m too depressed” to go to the movies, church, an outdoor concert, to the grocery store during the day when it’s crowded, to a ‘big’ store like Wal-Mart, etc. There are hundreds of places & events, and hundreds (maybe thousands) of excuses for avoidance behavior.

I remember my “I can’t” days – when I truly believed I “could not” do something. They were not at all pleasant. I remember ‘bending the truth’, and to be honest – I didn’t like lying. There, instead of dancing around with more gentle words, let me label it exactly what it was: lying. Lying to avoid feeling uncomfortable. BUT, sooner or later, we end up feeling uncomfortable anyway.

The fact is – we don’t feel good about ourselves when we lie – whether it’s a big lie or a “little white” lie. All of them add to the misery we’re already in. It adds to the vicious cycle of “There’s something terribly wrong with me.”

Once I learned that anxiety & depression, plus all the symptoms that go with those two disorders (and others as well), were ‘average’ and ‘fate appointed’ I felt better about myself. I wasn’t weird, different, or crazy. I had a condition. I had symptoms. And most important: I COULD GET WELL. There was a "cure”. Take away the shame and fear, and there was no need or reason to make up stories

Honesty and self-leadership include doing what you say you’re going to do. It means following through on commitments or appointments – or at least informing the other people involved that something’s come up, or you’ve changed your mind. It’s the group-minded thing to do. And, it’s certainly something to endorse for. Uncomfortable? Yes, sometimes. But, totally endorsable.

It’s so very refreshing now to be honest – both with myself and others. It’s another natural/automatic way to maintain good mental health & inner peace!

Best Regards,
Rose

2009-11-02T22:58:00.003-07:00

To Talk it up…
(it works both ways)

For a long time, because I learned that “to talk it up is to work it up”, I did my best to religiously avoid complaining about my symptoms. Report about them? Yes. That’s all. What was even more important was not “talking up” my symptoms to myself – in my mind. I learned that every insecure/fear thought I continued to think was attaching danger to the discomfort. Those thoughts, my thoughts of danger, were the very reason the discomfort turned to stronger panicky feelings, and if I didn’t actively change my thoughts, the physical sensations would grow more severe, and I ended up feeling worse. Much worse.

After learning to control the intensity and duration of the strong anxiety symptoms, I used “to talk it up is to work it up” as a tool to not complain about something ‘bad’ that happened to me (or to anyone else for that matter). It’s interesting… Have you ever listened to someone talking about something that upset them, and actually observe the tension they’re feeling as they speak about the incident? Talking about a unpleasant past event can and does bring back the same kinds of symptoms, and the sensations are experienced again in the present moment. The right/wrong, good/bad judgments are once again in the here and now, and so is the tension. It’s an interesting phenomenon.

The Flip Side: It was several years before I discovered that “to talk it up is to work it up” works both ways:
Talk up the ‘bad’ stuff, and you feel bad.
Talk up the ‘good’ stuff and you feel good.

When we spew out our problems, other people often ‘feel the pain’ and worry about us. It brings them down. I know I can get that first response of concern when I hear or read about a not-so-pleasant event.

There’s nothing I like more than hearing about something good & happy. I love to see the joy on people’s faces as they tell about something pleasing!! It brings me Joy. Joy with a capital “J”. It makes me smile. It makes the other person smile. In a very real sense it’s passing along some joy.

And smiles are happy things… which come from happy thoughts. Yes, it all goes back to our thoughts.

Now, especially in casual encounters when I’m out and about, I make every attempt to steer comments or brief conversations to pleasant, happy, enjoyable, nice topics. I do it for my mental health. And the other person’s mental health too!

Would I much rather spread joy (comfort) or gloom, doom & sorrow (discomfort)??
I’ll let you guess what my answer is.

Best Regards,
Rose

2009-10-31T17:35:00.001-07:00

Call me Mildred

I’m laughing. Still laughing!!

This morning I was multi-tasking, and it reminded me of Mildred in Mental Health Through Will Training. She was multi-tasking before the word was even created.

Yes, there was ‘hummingbird food’ cooking on the stove; was at my computer cutting and pasting, and printing some single-page documents I had promised to mail to a friend. And, I thought I was also washing a load of towels in the utility room. What’s that? You ‘thought’ you were washing them?

Well, the water was in the washer, so was the detergent. I had added chlorine bleach as the washer was filling. Didn’t want to put the towels in until after the washer filled completely, so I went back to the computer and printer. By now you can probably guess… when I did remembered the washer, it was in the rinse cycle. The water was happily sloshing around – all by itself.

My first thought: Yikes! A second later I was laughing. Whatya gonna do except start all over again?? And, that’s exactly what I did (plus stand right there this time). Many moons ago I would have scolded myself for forgetting, wasting water, soap and bleach, and it would have certainly been a ‘sign’ that I was ‘forgetful’ or worse. I would have then listed all the other things I did ‘wrong’ in the past week, or month, or year.

Will I continue to multi-task? You bet. With balance. I can tell when I’ve got too much going – I find myself rushing. And that’s when I slow the muscles way down.

Best Regards,
Rose

2009-10-29T10:30:00.001-07:00

Fear and H1N1

Those of us who live the Recovery Method have personal knowledge and experience on the topic of the power of our thoughts – more precisely, the power of insecure/fear thoughts.
Below is an interesting piece.
I will add no comment to it, other than to say –
it made me stop and think.

Blessings,
Rose

There is an old, it may even be an ancient tale, that’s told…
about a wise old man in India sitting at the edge of a road under a tree. The spirit of the plague moved by, and as it did the wise man spoke out: “Where are you going?” The spirit of the plague answered: “I am going to the town, where I will slay one hundred people”.
Three months or so later, the wise old man again saw the plague as it returned from the town, and again he questioned it. “I thought you said you would only take one hundred lives, yet travelers who pass me throughout the day have told me you took ten thousand”
The spirit of the plague replied: “I did slay only one hundred.
Fear took all the others.”

2009-10-27T19:20:00.001-07:00

Motivation

My sweet 86 year-old neighbor is going to have hip replacement surgery next month. Yesterday she told me that one of the instructions is for her to bring regular ‘street’ clothes to wear while she’s in the hospital. We both mentioned how being dressed, rather than staying in pajamas or a gown, is psychologically healthy. I take that to mean it’s good for a person’s mental health.

Later, as I was thinking of our conversation, I remembered the days way back when, when it was difficult for me to do almost anything – when anxiety and depression ruled my life.
There was so much – “I just don’t wanna.” Or, “I don’t feel like it.” Or, “I don’t feel up to it”, meaning I thought the effort was too great for me to handle.

Thankfully, I learned to make firm decisions and ‘command’ my muscles to move. My motivational statement at the time went like this: “I’m doing this for my Mental Health.”

Stage One Practice:
At first it was usually the mundane things such as getting dressed and making myself presentable. Why should I do my hair, get out of my bed clothes?? I’m not going anywhere today.
A firm decision + the motivator: "I’m doing this for my Mental Health" got me moving.

Stage Two Practice:
Actually going out and bearing more discomfort (taking along my mental fitness tools) plus my: "I’m doing this for my Mental Health" aided me in first walking farther away from my home, then driving longer distances, going for a haircut, sitting through an entire church service or movie, and so many, many, many more activities.

Stage Three Practice
Past the stage of doing the thing I “feared and care not to do” and into not really something I feared to do, but something that would fall into the category of “I’d rather be doing something else”. It could also be an “Oh, this can wait” obligation such as balancing the checkbook, cutting the grass, etc.

I’ve learned that often it takes less time and energy to complete whatever it is, than the time and energy spent in putting it off. How so? The nagging “should” thoughts when I delay doing what should be done are bothersome. distracting, annoying. They’re uncomfortable! Kept up long enough, they will cause tension. So, for me, I command the muscles and DO.
Even now sometimes I still use “I’m doing this for my Mental Health”. Interesting, now it’s kind of fun.

Then again, sometimes there’s more effort in –
“I WILL save this for tomorrow”.
And… that’s another topic, for another day.

Warm Regards,
Rose

2009-10-26T15:15:00.002-07:00

At Ease & In Control…
that’s what everyone wants – to be at ease, to be and feel in control of themselves, and their lives. And, that’s exactly what the Recovery Method can teach you to do for yourself – Be at ease & in control. That’s what it’s done for me and scores of other people too.

Reminiscing, Gratitude & Practice

This month is Special in my life, and that’s why I’m choosing to launch this blog now – as part of my Celebration. It’s been 28 years since I attended my first Recovery International (RI) self-help meeting, and my l life has changed enormously since then.

I immediately began practicing what I learned that first evening. Granted, it was only one of Dr. Low’s bits of wisdom. It didn’t work instantly – it took practice. It took conscious and deliberate effort on my part. Yet I knew – that was ‘my part’, my action to take. The tools were there, I had to use them if I was going to feel better, if I was going to reach my hope, my aim, to be fully-functioning again.

Recently I was reading what I would label a spiritual self-help book, and came across this sentence: “Now you know it – USE IT!” I smiled and thought: “How true that is”. Immediately it reminded me of Dr. Low’s: Knowledge tells us what to do, but practice shows us how to do it. Information, is good, and it’s crucial in any self-improvement endeavor. But by itself, knowledge does next-to-nothing for any well-being process. Knowing the RI phrases, knowing precisely where to find them in whatever book is great – but if we don’t use them while/when we’re upset or in symptoms, frankly, they’re useless. The mental fitness techniques were not developed to be used only at weekly meetings.

I think of it this way: If I want to play the piano, and study how-to books over and over again, and for years watch educational videos that teach correct hand positions, etc. and yet I don’t actually use those instructions on a real keyboard – over and over and over again – I will never, ever be a skilled piano player, much less an amateur one. I will not accomplish my ambition by simply ‘knowing’. Only by ‘doing’ – utilizing what I know – will I achieve my goal.

I am so very grateful for Dr. Low’s Method. With it, I’ve changed my life completely. And, I am so grateful for the circumstances in my life back in 1981, which caused me to work so hard at getting well (more on that topic may be revealed in a future post).

Warm Regards,
Rose