Just what does that refer to? Stuff that happened long ago and the temper is still lingering. The ‘hurt’ is still there, because the temper – the judgement of ‘that was wrong’ and ‘still is wrong’ in our minds (our thoughts).
The ‘long ago’ could be two months ago, two years ago, 22 years ago or even longer.
Here are few examples:
A teacher (let’s call her ‘Beth’) who finds herself feeling insecure in her profession knows her insecurity is rooted in an event which happened a long time ago. Back in third grade her grades weren’t the best. School personnel were concerned, and offered two options: either move Beth to the next grade, or have her repeat the third grade. Beth’s Mother decided the best route would be to have her repeat the grade.
More than 30 years later, when thoughts about this far away event come to mind, they still bring up shame (fear) and the idea (thought) that her Mother’s choice was wrong. Then of course, Mary’s insecurity increases.
Right now ‘John’ is having some money problems. Every once in a while he remembers the fact that right after high school when he got his first job and was still living in his parent’s home, they ‘made’ him pay rent. John still resents that rule his Mom & Dad came up with. Thoughts such as: "Paying rent in your own family’s home? That’s not right!" come to mind even now when he finds himself ‘short on cash’.
And here’s one from me, which is really where I came up with this notion of taking care of ancient temper. When I was seven years old I made my First Communion, had a party, and received some gifts of money. I wanted a new bike. My girlfriend’s had shiny two-wheel bicycles their parents bought for them. Me? I ‘had’ to spend ‘all’ my gift money if I wanted a bike. It’s the decision my Father made.
Every time that event came to mind – and it may have been only once every few years, it still ‘hurt’. Everybody else’s parents bought them stuff, why did I have to spend my money? I thought my parents were being mean to me. And that childish ‘thought’ stayed with me, that childish ‘temper’ stayed with me well into my 30’s.
Until, until one time it came up again, and I dismissed the temper. I released the judgement. They were not wrong, they were average. And, I was not wrong, I was average for not liking it. Done!
Yes, I still remember the incident (obviously, I’m writing about it). But, it doesn’t ‘sting’ anymore. It doesn’t bring up the resentment (temper). It doesn’t bring up the ‘that wasn’t fair’, it’s no longer connected with, ‘they didn’t love me as much as those others kids parents loved them’. I have to say, it does feel very good to be rid of the distress around that incident.
The point is – temper, is temper, is temper. And temper causes tension, and tension causes symptoms. No matter when something happened, no matter if the persons involved are alive or no longer on the planet, the temper can be and must be eliminated, or else the tension will continue – and escalate
Why go through the trouble of neutralizing that stuff from the past when it comes up? My reason –simply to FEEL GOOD … To be At Ease and In Control.
I’d rather be happy and at peace. Wouldn’t you?
© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved
