Sunday, June 20, 2010

Rose VanSickle /Peace of Body, Peace of Mind
on YouTube!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Doing Something New

“I Don’t Know How."
I wish you could hear the tone of voice I used when I said that statement this past week. Sort of bewildered, maybe confused…. with a slow but quick movement my shoulders going up & down. Somewhat unsure of myself. A bit hesitant.

We all get into situations where we’re faced with doing something new. And I mean brand new, as in ‘haven’t-got-a-clue-of-how-to’ accomplish this task.
In that case, we have choices-choices in how we think about it.

The facts (the realistic thoughts) are: there will be things we don’t know how to do. Probably for the rest of our lives. No one knows how to do absolutely everything. Another is this: If we’ve never done that certain something – of course we ‘Don’t know how’. It’s that plain and simple.

So what was the subject of my latest “I don’t know how”?
Uploading a video file to YouTube.
I had asked my webmaster if he had any experience doing it. He said no. So I decided I would learn how myself. My reasoning (thinking): Then I will know, and it'll be another "I can do that" under my belt.

I’m happy to report: Mission accomplished!!

P.S. - Now adding a link to a blog entry will be my next “Do Something New”.
Will it be 'add a video' or simply add the link and make the reader click on it??? Hmmm.

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Spike Lee Says Obama Not Mad Enough

No, I did not read the entire article. Why? Because I could guess at my original response, and it wasn’t pretty (healthy for me).
But, I did calmly discuss my views of the ‘not mad enough’ regarding the oil spill with a couple of people.

So how mad IS mad enough?
Stomping to the podium?
Red in the face?
Neck veins bulging?
Eyes glaring?
Arms failing in the air?
Fists clenched so hard fingernails are cutting into the palms?

Is getting ‘boiling mad’ going to take one single drop of oil out of the ocean?

Is being ‘infuriated’ going to bring an better solution, or any solution for that matter.

Is ‘throwing a fit’ going to make BP move more quickly?

Is being ‘furious’ at something in Outer Environment (OE) going to change anything in OE?

Is being ‘loud mouth and hostile’ going to solve the situation?

Is being ‘nasty’ going to prevent more oil from hitting the beaches?

Is displaying temper ‘required’ to show ‘how much’ a person cares about a topic?

Is displaying a ‘public tantrum’ going to make our President ‘more right’ and BP ‘more wrong’?

Is wildly aggressive ‘better’ than assertive? Not in my opinion. Never!

Maybe what President Obama IS demonstrating is how to be:
At Ease & In Control”.

I applaud the man for that!

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

As I Am

One more thing I want to touch on about self-acceptance…
A couple of the popular statements ‘out there’ are: “I accept myself, just the way I am” or “I love and accept myself, just the way I am.” These may have originated with A Course In Miracles and are now an element in lots of different self-enhancement programs.

Somewhere along the years - I can’t remember exactly when it was, except that it was after I wrote Peace of Body, Peace of Mind – is when those were introduced to me. I willingly began using them. After all, I had a good background of changing thoughts – and these were statements I felt could enhance me and my life. So I used them quite consistently for a while.

To be honest, I didn’t feel any ‘big shift’ inside me. I didn’t get the results I thought I ‘should’ get. Throughout the years I would again hear some variation of the affirmation from a new speaker, new author, or in a new technique.
The last time it happened, for some reason (who knows) I took the time to ‘think’ about what I was saying. In fact, it very well could have been when I was writing the words and they were staring me in the face – when I questioned them.

All of a sudden it came to me: "just as I am" is the part that ‘got in the way’ for me. In a sense, it didn’t make sense.
Here’s my logic (my thoughts): I accept myself, ‘just’ the way I am, somehow suggested or implied there was something wrong with me.
Sort of like a computer ‘warning’ message. Defect! Defect!! Something needs to be corrected – SOON!
Just the way I am = Even though this is wrong with me, and I sure wish that was a whole lot different – I’ll accept me.

“Picky, picky, picky-Rose!!” That thought came to me too. Was I being overly sensitive? Too precise? Or was I getting some insight?
How can I accept myself–totally accept myself-if I think there’s something wrong with myself?

Yet, as I sat there and wrote:
I accept myself, just the way I am
I accept myself as I am
I could ‘feel’ the difference of those two statements. The first didn’t make me feel good; the second did.

Try it. which one feels better to you?
I accept myself, just the way I am.
I accept myself as I am.

It truly doesn’t matter which one appeals to you. There is no right or wrong.
Does one ‘feel’ better than the other? And if neither one does – that’s average too.

And maybe an even simpler form of the statement could be:
I accept myself!

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Learn ‘n Use

This entry is prompted by an email I received regarding the 6/4/10 post which talked about being average & self-acceptance.

One of the person’s comments was: “You'd think by now I'd have learned to be average.”

As I read the sentence, the word that jumped out at me was ‘learned’. I don’t think that’s the way it works.

We learn that 2+2=4. We learn the ABC’s. We learn to read. We learn a different language. We learn how to use a computer, etc.

When I thought back, I don’t recall learning to be average. What I remember is learning new information, a new & better definition of average, then ‘accepting’ I was average. Maybe it’s all semantics, but I do think it makes a difference.

As with other concepts we learn throughout our lives, learning them-then knowing them is one thing. Using them is Step Two. In my opinion we must USE them – or else we make little or no progress.

Yes, and I still use “I am average”. Typically it’s when I’ve done something… well, let’s say, when I’ve done something unexpected. OK – it’s when I make a ‘mistake' - such as trip on a throw rug, or tip over a glass of water which sloshes over onto my computer keyboard.

The original response (and this IS what I have said out loud in a sarcastic tone of voice): “Well that was SMART, Rose.” And depending on the amount of damage, I may even throw in a: “That was REALLY smart, Rose!!”
So what comes next? OK–You guessed: yet another “I’m not wrong, I’m average”. I know I use that secure/realistic statement more than once a day – every day.

So why am I still practicing? Because. My mental health is my Supreme Goal. If I don’t, and I do know this to be the truth: then those trivial incidents, those trivial mistakes would pile up.

They’d pile up, and pile up, and pile up and pile up, and sooner or later they become ‘proof’ that something’s ‘wrong’ with me. I’d think I was un-average, below average. Tainted. Not as good as.

Nope – I don’t ‘go there’ anymore. My well-being, my inner-peace, is too precious.

Besides, I like feeling good, and I’d much rather be At Ease, and In Control.

PS: There’s more on the topic of self-acceptance. Saving that for next time.
PSS: A Big
THANK YOU to the person who inspired me with their email.

As I’ve mentioned before, if I know something that’s helped me – I am certainly going to pass it along to others.

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

Monday, June 7, 2010

I Can or I Can’t??

If you think you can, you can.
And if you think you can't, you're right.

~ Henry Ford (also attributed to Mary Kay Ash)

He is able who thinks he is able.
~ Buddha

Simple phrases with deep truth within them.

When we think we can’t, we can’t. That’s it. The end!

We won’t even make an attempt.
The door is closed on any possibility.

When we think we can...

Ahh, that’s a totally different point-of-view (thought).

Even if we’re not 100% sure we can – it’s better than an “I can’t.”
The door may not be wide open, but it’s not slammed shut.
At least there is some possibility -
a possibility that with effort & practice
can advance from a possibility to a probability,
and then on to a success.
An “I did it”.
Maybe even a "YEAH! I did it".

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Am I Ready For This??

This post somewhat related to the last one…
When can I tell “I’m ready to take on more” – ‘more’ meaning “should I go back to school, get a job?” Take a leap?

For me that translated into: “Am I well enough to handle it?"
In fact, the question boiled down to: Am I ‘willing’ to bear the discomfort of something new, even when I don’t know what it will be like? Am I ‘willing’ to go ‘through’ the discomfort?

Deciding “I am ready” is a very personal decision, one we can’t ever make for someone else. We can encourage the person. We can tell them we think they’re doing well, well enough to ‘make it’. We can cheer them on from the sidelines.

We can remind them that the same mental fitness tools that got them to this point, will carry them through whatever they choose. It’s always the individual’s own decision, and from personal experience I know -the more firm the decision, the better.

For me when I really, really, really, really did take the ceiling off the amount of discomfort I was willing to bear, life got easier. Easier? Yes, in the sense that I wasn’t always afraid there was there’s some kind of discomfort lurking around the corner.

Does that mean there was no discomfort? That it suddenly and totally disappeared? Heavens no. It didn’t totally disappear at first, but it did diminish. The intensity was not as great. The duration of the symptoms/discomfort was lessened.

For me and thousands of others too over the last 70+ years, no longer fearing discomfort, brought comfort.
Not waiting until we felt comfortable, but doing the things we feared or cared not to do (sometimes over, and over and over again) eventually brought the comfort.
Deliberate practice brought comfort, plus many, many gains.

In a very real sense, it brought us back to Life.
A good, average Life.

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

Friday, June 4, 2010

Is It a Goal?
......or being Exceptional?

Some questions came to me this week… regarding exceptionality, romantic ambition, and whether or not we ‘should’ set limits on ourselves when it comes to what we want to do.

There was a time when I was confused about all this too: We shouldn’t be, or even try to be exceptional, yet we want to set goals, to do bigger and better things in our lives – such as go back to school, get a better job, etc. What’s the ‘right’ way to go about that? What’s the ‘healthy’ way?

OK. Exceptional is a no-no. Ahh, but the fear (thought) “I’m not even average” or “I’m not good enough” or“ I’m not as good as” is also a no-no. For me, I tied that all together with “we strive to be exceptional and fear we’re not even average”. And Yes, I admit, I struggled with the notion of being ‘average’ – with the whole idea that average was good, or even acceptable.

I believe that once we accept ‘average’ is good, that being average - no matter where we happen to be in the moment - we are no longer ‘fearing’ we’re not ‘even’ average.

That’s how it worked for me. For years, please let me correct that - for decades I was striving to be exceptional (Ms. Polly Perfect) ‘because’ I feared I wasn’t even average. I changed my definition of average. For me average was no longer ho-hum, mundane, boring, dull or dreary.

Once I accepted I was average – somewhere between superior and inferior – the Great Fear was lifted – gone (by me changing my thoughts on the topic). No more fear about how-high-on-the-scale I ‘needed’ to be, took the pressure off. You could say: I lowered my standards for who I thought I ‘needed’ to be to be a worthwhile or meaningful human being.

I believe that accepting averageness of ‘self’ is in a very real sense, self-acceptance – accepting yourself, just the way you are. Not for who you want to be someday. Not when you get off disability. Not when you make more money. Not when you get married. Not when you lose weight, etc., etc, etc.. Not then. Now.

Self-acceptance now – not later.

Once the fear is gone, it really is easier to set realistic goals, to get ahead in life. In my life it was (and still is) set this goal, reach it. Set another goal. Oh yes, there have been times when it followed this path: set the goal, don’t reach it; set another goal, or an entirely different goal, or set some intermediate goals to ‘get’ to the final/bigger goal.

Come to think of it, all of life is set a goal, an objective, accomplish it, set another goal. Think about it. From the time we get out of bed (which is a decision or a goal), with all the things we do all day long, until the time we go back to bed, we make decisions, set goals, move our muscles, accomplish what we want or need to do, and then it’s on to the next item or task or goal.

And so it goes – on, and on, and on.

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Her want…

A few months ago a good Friend, a dear, dear Friend, decided to go into hospice care. She made the choice with a clear mind. In her words: “I suffered more from the treatments than from the disease itself.”

When I heard the news I wanted to go back to see her. She was on the east coast, I’m out west. Her request was that no one who had not seen her in the last year, including me, not come to see her.

I mulled over that just a bit. My thoughts: I wanted to see her again. I strongly wanted to see her again. I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to reminisce about all the good times, the ‘spiritual highs’ we enjoyed when attending the same church.

It wasn’t very long at all, and these words (this thought) came to me: “It’s her want – honor it Rose.” That could fall under the realm of being ‘group-minded’. Yet, it was so much more. That one word ‘honor’ lifted being group-minded to a much higher, a much deeper level. Honoring her request was in a very real sense - my gift to her.

This event also reminded me that we can honor another person’s wishes, wants, desires & requests even when the situation is not as serious as this was.

© 2010 Rose VanSickle ~ All rights reserved